


Drive Your Van Into My Heart

by Sublimey



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Eventual Fluff, F/M, Gratuitous Property Damage, Hate at First Sight, Hatemance, I hope you like slow burn because ive set this ship to simmer, Rival Relationship, Slow Burn, What sparks a romance? insurance fraud, being terrible people to one another for no good reason, idiotmance, idiots to lovers, lighting people on fire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17982941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sublimey/pseuds/Sublimey
Summary: "Say it again." His voice is hoarse.“I hate you, I hate you—” she breathes into his mouth. Her teeth scrape his lips and he tastes like wild cherries and raspberries. “I hate you so much that sometimes I can’t think of anything else.”(You could say Nero and Tessa's relationship was a bit of a car crash—after all, it's how they met.)





	1. The Nissan didn't deserve this

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lisaflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisaflowers/gifts).



> The game is coming out in five days but my hand slipped and all these words fell out of my computer. I should've posted this like three weeks ago but whatever pobody's nerfect have an oc fic

 

 

“You’re in my spot.  _ Again _ .” Tessa slammed her fist down on the side of the van several times until she heard movement inside. “I know you’re in there!”

 

As the idiot inside clanked around and wasted her time, she crossed her arms, waiting.

 

“What... the hell do you want?” came a muffled reply.

 

“World peace sounds nice.” She stared down at the van’s tires, parked very obviously— _ and poorly _ —in her space. “But I’d take a world without  _ assholes _ who think they can double park. Honestly, who do you think you are?”

 

There was a groan. Tessa was very quickly losing her patience, talking to the back of someone's car while hers was idling behind her.

 

“....Yeah, I got your little note.”

 

“Then why—” she slammed her hand on the back door again when he got quiet, eliciting a string of curses. “Do you keep doing it?”

 

“I didn’t realize you owned the freaking parking lot!” he shouted back, throwing open the door with a shove of his boot. 

 

Tessa watched with narrowed eyes as her source of current ire poked his head out of his shitty van. He was taller than expected, with tired, red-rimmed eyes and… white hair. _Huh_. But whatever impression she got of him was overshadowed by the jacket he was wearing and the single glove he wore on his other hand. What was he, some sort of flasher? why did her car park always get the worst kind of creeps... 

 

He narrowed his eyes, and she mentally kicked herself for not having any pepper spray. “What do you want me to do about it?”

 

Tessa stared him down with a cool expression on her face, car keys in hand as she flipped a strand of curly blonde hair over her shoulder. “I want you to move out of my way.”

 

His lip curled and he looked up at her— he was disheveled in a way that looked like he had just woken up, which, well, fuck him, Tessa really didn't care. He could go back to sleep after he moved his van. As he stretched and yawned and wasted her time, her car was burning fuel behind her, and it was  _ annoying. _

 

“Can’t you park anywhere else?” he huffed, looking like he very much wanted to go back into his trash pile and hibernate. He angrily gestured to the rest of the lot. “Pick another spot, go there!”

 

“Look, dude—”

 

“Its Nero.”

 

“I don’t care,” she hissed, gesturing specifically to the white lines he was parked over. “This is my spot. This is the one assigned to me by the apartment you’re parked behind. The owners might not care you’re here using their wifi and electricity to charge your phone, but that is _ my spot,  _ so if you could? Step off? Please? Thanks.”

 

“Well, since you said  _ please— _ ”

 

The car door slammed shut behind him, and she blinked several times in surprise. 

 

“Are you serious right now?” 

 

No answer. 

 

Tessa’s surprise soon shifted to outrage, and she kicked the back of his van. “Get back out here and face me!” 

 

“Did you just kick my car?” she heard through the door. 

 

“There’ll be more where that came from if you don't—” she kicked the tire. She felt completely foolish, it did absolutely nothing. “—move!!” 

 

“Oh my  _ god _ —” he hissed, and finally,  _ finally _ , she heard his car start up. “Fine, I’m going!” 

 

The tension in Tessa’s shoulders eased almost immediately, and she straightened herself out and took in a deep breath, stepping backward to get into her car. But that only lasted a moment, because he backed up in the wrong direction too fast and  _ fucking totaled her Nissan. _

 

Nero’s head poked out of the drivers' side window when he heard the sound of metal crunching. “Shit.”

 

“WHAT THE HELL!” Tessa’s mouth opened and closed, keys still in hand as her front lights died and the engine sputtered. “Who taught you how to drive?!”

 

“It looks fine.” He squinted into the rearview window and then eased away from the front of her car, dragging the front of her bumper with it. The engine sparked and Tessa covered her face with her hands. “It’s not that bad!”

 

“Bad? You murdered it!”

 

“You’re overreacting,” he shot back, hopping out the drivers' side. He paused when he got a better look at the damage, and ran a hand through his white hair. “ _ Huh _ .”

 

She punched him in the arm. “This wouldn't have happened if you listened to my note!”

 

“Your ‘ _ note _ ’” he said, drawing back from her and quoting with his fingers, “Was a joke! You honestly expect me to read two entire pages of you complaining? So I took your spot, get over it!”

 

“It was  _ one page _ and it was  _ double-sided _ ,” she hissed. “And that’s really classy coming from the guy who just ruined my car!”

 

"It's not  _ ruined _ ." The engine sparked again, and Tessa took a cautionary step back. Nero scratched his nose, blue eyes sliding off the wreckage and onto someplace less indicative of his crimes. "It's just... a little banged up… is all."

 

"A little?" She laughed, and Nero grimaced at her. "I hope you're ready to  _ pay for the damages _ .”

 

He gestured to all of himself and then his shitty van; the only thing of value being the neon sign in the side window.  _ Devil May Cry _ . Someone would definitely be crying by the end of this. “You think I look like I have money?”

 

Tessa narrowed her eyes. “How much did that coat cost you?”

 

“None of your damn business," he said quickly.

 

"Well, it  _ could _ be my business," she said, pulling out her phone. She snapped a picture of his license plate and his face, ignoring the way his eye twitched at the flash. "I need a way to get to work tomorrow. I need a way to go to school, to go to town, to actually  _ have a life. _ "

 

"So? take a taxi," he shot back, but she was too busy writing down the details of the event to really care.

 

"You think _ I  _ have money?" Cautiously, Tessa walked around the side of her car and snapped photos of the damage, hoping maybe her insurance would cover some of it. But then again... " _ I was so close to paying it off _ ."

 

She bit her thumbnail and tried to calmly access the situation. If push came to shove, she could probably catch the downtown bus to work and then get another one to her university campus. It wasn't impossible, and Tessa had done it before, it was just... such a massive pain. Such an unnecessary annoyance. She'd have to get up an extra hour earlier to get on the right shuttle to the hospital for her shift, and then... waste at least two hours sitting on a bus to go to the opposite side of town.

 

Tessa closed her eyes and quietly cursed to herself. When she opened them, she noted that the guy—Nero— had gone back inside his van.

 

"Where you think you're going?"

 

He groaned, and she paced to the back of his van, poking her head inside. The interior was a mess of trash, takeout boxes, magazines and weird objects that had no business being on the inside of a van. Like, the sword buckled up in the passenger seat, or the battery pack or demonic looking statue covered in bubble wrap. Why did he even have that? It was possible she was dealing with some sort of weird... demon groupie?  _ Or a serial killer?? _ He could definitely be a serial killer.

 

He had his phone in his hand as he sat down on the mattress, spread out where the second row of passenger seats would have been. "I need to make a call. Is that alright, or do I need a written permission slip for that too?"

 

She made a  _ tsk _ -noise. "... _ No _ ."

 

"Must be my  _ lucky day _ ."

 

"Alright hotshot, make your stupid phone call. I'll be here." Tessa backed off and tightly crossed her arms, watching him punch in some numbers. To her left, her car finally stopped letting out a pathetic line of smoke, and the sparking stopped. She'd need to get it towed or pushed off to a corner somewhere so it didn’t block the way to the road... 

 

God, what a mess. This wouldn't have happened if he had just  _ fucking listened to her _ . 

 

"Yeah, hey it's me—if you could, like, give me a rough estimate of how much cash we have in—" Nero's eyes slid over to Tessa nervously pacing in the parking lot and his scowl deepened. "No, this is for a... hypothetical... reason… What are you trying to say?" He paused for a long moment as the other person continued talking, and his eyes slowly shut and he rubbed his temples. "No I'm not in trouble, don't even worry about it. I only asked so—I said don't worry—it's fine! Everything is fine, would you just— _ Of course I'm eating more than just takeout, what are you insinuating _ — look, just forget I said anything, I'll talk to you later, okay?  _ Okay _ ."

 

Tessa watched as a nerve ticked in his jaw and he hung up and stuffed the phone into his pocket. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and let out a string of colorful curses.

 

"Your insurance is out of date," Tessa said, watching the scene go on with half-lidded eyes. He immediately leapt out of the truck with a near  _ inhuman-like _ speed and looked down at the little yellow sticker on his license plate, dated back a good week. She glanced over at him, arms crossed over her little denim jacket. "Just thought you should know."

 

"FUCK."

 

"Look, I think we can come to an agreement here," she said, turning to him. His hands were balled into fists at his side, and she braced herself for another string of curses as she made her move, the barest outline of a plan forming in her mind. "Money is tight, things happen. Fix my car and I won't report you," she smiled.

 

"You're out of your mind??" He gawked at her. "With what money? or time? I have places to be, lady."

 

"It's Tessa," she said, and her smile grew a little sharper. He grunted, uninterested. Okay, fair, she deserved that. "And good luck driving through the city with expired plates. The cops love pulling over punkish, impulsive drivers and  _ fining _ them. You know,  _ money _ ? As in, a thing you don't have. I'm sure you'll do fine though."

 

"This is bullshit." He paced back and forth for a moment and ran a hand over his mouth. Finally, he turned to her. "Fine, then what do you propose?"

 

"Fix my car," she repeated, gesturing to her poor Nissan. "And I'll consider transferring my insurance plan to yours so your little house won't get impounded. Sound fair?"

 

He thought it over. It wasn't a great plan. He could very well just speed off and take his chances on the road, or he could just refuse and deal with whatever consequences came with her reporting him.

 

But he had phoned someone and mentioned some pooled assets. To Tessa, that proved he had something else to lose.

 

"Fine," he bit out, and Tessa nodded at him. Good. "But the insurance first— I have... a job."

 

"You could take _ a taxi _ ," she snarked, pleased by the way he glowered at her. " _ So do I _ . How do you think I feel?"

 

"Why should I care?" he scoffed, and it was her turn to glower at him.

 

Fine then, if they were stuck working together until her car was fixed, it didn't mean she had to play nice.

 

"You are _so_ bloody full of yourself."

 

"It's funny," he said, turning to her as he opened his arms wide open. "I was just thinking the same thing about you." He jutted his chin out in a way that she was sure he thought looked confident and challenging, but it really just make her want to clock him in the face.  _ What a fucking tool. _ “Do we have a deal?”

 

“ _ Unfortunately, _ ” she sighed, glancing over to her car. Tessa dragged a hand down her face and turned to her apartment building, hoping to god he was some sort of miracle mechanic and that she wouldn't have to deal with him any more than necessary.

 

She glanced behind her as she opened the door, watching as he kicked off the shedded remains of her bumper from his van. 

 

If she didn’t kill him by the time he fixed her van, it’d be a miracle in and of itself. 

 

“...What a  _ jackass _ .”

  
  


Maybe she should have wished for world peace after all.

 


	2. Call Me Beep Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whats better than arguing again? arguing in the rain ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tessa eyed the extension cord out on the concrete as she made her way outside for her morning run. It snaked its way from the building over to a particularly familiar eyesore, and her eyes caught the glow of flashing light inside, white and blue and definitely suspicious.

 

A moment later, she was pounding on the back door again. 

 

"Jesus—!" Nero looked up at her in the dark, dropping the controller in his hands as his TV shone more colors. "What do you want??"

 

"Where the hell did you get a TV overnight?" she said, feeling the chill of the morning air hit her. She had half an hour to run a couple blocks and then shower before she had to catch the next bus to school— she didn't exactly want to dawdle, but if he could get his hands on a TV so quickly, why couldn't he just pay her back?

 

Nero restarted his game and stuffed what looked like a cheeto puff into his mouth.  _ Gross. _ "I borrowed it from a friend. Is that illegal?"

 

"No, but you couldn't have borrowed a couple hundred bucks from them?"

 

"They're not that good of a friend," he shot back. "Look, I told you I'd get to work on your car tomorrow, alright? Give me a moment."

 

She gave him an unimpressed stare. "It is tomorrow."

 

"What?" He glanced out over her shoulder to the cloudy, morning sky and cursed. "What time is it?"

 

"Five AM."

 

He stared at her, disgusted. "What are you doing up?"

 

"I could ask you the same question," she said, crossing her arms. Though if she had to guess, he had probably just pulled an all-nighter. She cracked her neck to the side and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I have a bio class in an hour, sue me."

 

He rolled his eyes and went back to playing mega man. "Sounds like a waste of time if you ask me."

 

"Good thing I didn't," she said coolly. With her toe, she wrapped the extension cord around her foot and tugged— cutting his game short and the cord out of the wall.

 

"HEY!"

 

"I don't need you passed out when you're supposed to be fixing my car," she said, turning her back on him. There was a park a little ways down the street she liked to run through each morning— if she spent her time wisely, she could do a couple laps around the duck pond before her time was up. She glanced back at Nero as he hopped out of the van, angrily heading back to go plug in the extension cord. "Take a nap, get some sleep. I'll be back at noon to access the damage. We can talk then."

 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he muttered, watching her jog out of eyesight.

 

The TV flickered back to life as he eased himself back into his spot, and he dumped the last Cheeto crumbs into his mouth as he pressed New Game, sleeping the absolute last thing on his mind at the moment.

 

X

 

Whatever opinions he had of the blonde before backing into her car were overshadowed by how much of a pain in the ass she was once she actually opened her mouth. It was worse than dealing with Dante— or, well, actually, dealing with Dante was its own type of headache in itself. At least he could beat the hell out of the guy if he was getting on his nerves, but some random girl? _ Ugh _ . It was such a pain.

 

He thought it’d been a lucky break when the owners of the apartment complex had given him the green light to do whatever he wanted— kill a couple lesser demons for their grandkids, no big deal. Job done. It hadn't been a _ paying job _ , per se, but it had come with some benefits. Being able to park somewhere reliable was awesome, and he needed to save up for more gas money anyway, but this? this was out of his area of expertise.

 

"Bumper, hood and both lights are out. One tire is punctured, axel out of alignment, and the engine requires maintenance..." she murmured, circling off each damaged part on a childishly renditioned drawing of own car. He caught a glimpse of it over her shoulder as she paced, and it looked like she had done it in crayon. Didn’t she have anything better to do with her life?

 

Nero stifled a yawn and leaned back on the hood of his van, but he didn't do a good job of it. She shot him a glare as he yawned again, this time without bothering to hide it. "Cry me a river."

 

"Isn't that supposed to be your job?" she said, gesturing to his logo.

 

He shot her an exhausted glare. "I'm on vacation," he lied.

 

"That's too bad. Here I was hoping to bottle your tears and sell them on the black market. Maybe then you'd be able to pay me back."

 

_ Ugggghhhh _ . The more he had to put up with her the more his patience wore thin. Nero closed his eyes and counted the seconds until she had to leave again. He was so freaking tired.

 

The girl—Tess or whatever— was something of a walking stereotype as far as he was concerned. Preppy, blonde and uptight. He had been homeschooled by the Order on Fortuna, but she had a whole... uppidy cheerleader vibe to her that reeked of private schools and sweater vests. Like she expected everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. It rubbed him the wrong way, and when she made her final round of her car, he scowled down at her and her little notebook.

 

"Besides the cosmetics, it's the engine that needs the most work," she said, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder in a way that irked him even more somehow. "Thankfully there aren't any leaks and the fuel line is fine. If it had caught fire, I would have  _ kicked your ass _ ."

 

Scoffing at how implausible  _ that  _ was, Nero jumped at the other opportunity she presented. "Does this mean you have a full tank just... sitting there?"

 

"You're not taking my fuel," she said flatly.

 

"It's not like you're going to need it anyway," he groaned, rubbing one of his eyes with his palm. This conversation could not end fast enough— he needed coffee or an energy drink or something, stat.  "I need to be able to drive to work to get the parts you need. How am I supposed to do that without gas?"

 

She glared at him, pretty pink lips twisted into a frown. "That wasn't a part of the arrangement."

 

"Sometimes deals need to be flexible. You want your car fixed, right?"

 

She grimaced and turned her back on him. "Yes."

 

"So? give me the gas."

 

"No."

 

He  glowered at her. "Why  _ not _ ?"

 

"Because—" she floundered. It looked like she was refusing just to be difficult. "Because I'm the one who paid for it!"

 

"If it turns out there  _ is _ a leak, and I set your car on fire while I'm working on the engine, you don't think that won't be a problem?"

 

Her shoulders dropped. _ Good girl _ . "Maybe.  _ Ugh, _ fine, whatever,  _ take it. _ "

 

"Sweet," he clapped his hands together and pushed off the side of his van. "So you'll also be siphoning it out yourself, right?"

 

She bristled immediately. "Absolutely not."

 

"What, are you saying you're too good to suck some fluid out of a tube?" He smirked as Tessa turned and gave him a scathing, scandalized expression.

 

"You suck it yourself if you want it that bad," she shot back, and Nero snorted. "I'm going to go take a cold shower for the second time today."

 

"Don’t strain yourself—"

 

"Shut up."

 

"Right," he said, turning back to the car. He had maybe five, ten minutes, depending on how much time she took playing with her hair. Ten minutes until she'd look down from her window and see him not working on it. What did he have to lose?

 

Absolutely nothing. That's what.

 

X

 

WHAM!

 

Nero's eyes opened and on instinct, his hand reached for his sword.

 

"You're unbelievable, you know that?"

 

But it was only  _ Tessa, _ not a freaking demon trying to tear through his car to kill him. Jesus fucking Christ, he hated it when she did that— what the hell was her problem?

 

"I told you to take a nap when it wasn't wasting my time. You know I have things to do too, right?"

 

"So you tell me," he groaned, sitting up. He watched as she curled her lip up in disgust as he kicked away an old box of pizza and pulled himself into a sitting position. "So you have a job with the mortuary, why can't I have five more minutes?"

 

"I work in a hospital, that's the opposite of a mortuary."

 

Nero rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable. He wasn't about to get pushed around by some uptight  _ nurse. _

 

( _ though in theory, it wasn't such a bad idea.) _

 

_ (ugh, was there nothing this girl didn't ruin? _ )

 

"What do you even do that's so important," he said, propping his head up with his hand. "If you're still going to school, do you like, change bedpans, and wash old people?"

 

"In a manner of speaking," she said, irritated. Outside the van, the lightest smattering of rain started to pour down, and Tessa hugged her denim jacket close, watching him lounge, dry and unbothered. "It's a step towards getting my doctorate. Everyone has to start somewhere."

 

"Gross." He flipped open the old takeout box and picked at a piece of cheese stuck to the cardboard. Probably still fine to eat, right?

 

Tessa's lip curled as she watched him consider the cardboard cheese, and then put it in his mouth. She closed her eyes and turned away as he chewed it far longer than necessary— long enough to tell that it was, in fact, no longer edible.

 

"At least I'm not living in my van," she said pointedly, after he subtly spat the cheese back into the box, quietly hoping this was the first time he had done so. Okay, so he lived like a pig,  _ what the fuck ever? _ There was no way in  _ hell  _ she was allowed to look down on him when she just openly admitted to being the person who removed back moles and powdered diapers for a living.

 

"Yeah, well— at least I have—" Shit, what was something normal people gloated about that didn't end in having the cops called on you? The statue definitely didn't count (he really needed to get rid of it anyway). "A fucking sword."

 

Nice. Nailed it.

 

"Yeah, I saw." She didn't sound impressed. His impression of her plummeted further than it had before. Rock bottom apparently had a basement. "You treat it pretty well. Is that your girlfriend or are you just friends with benefits?"

 

"Yamato is a family friend." He paused and narrowed his eyes at her. "Bitch."

 

For the first time they had met, Tessa expressed a positive emotion and laughed. Or, well, sarcastically expressed a positive emotion. Baby steps— she was probably still new to the whole concept, having a  _ heart made of liquid nitrogen and all. _

 

"Okay, well, if that's the case, sorry for interrupting your moment." She audibly rolled her eyes, he could hear it in her voice as he considered his options for throwable objects— would a shoe be too cliche or should he go for one of the takeout boxes? She turned to him. "If you can't get you off your ass, you can expect me to drag my heels with your insurance just as long."

 

That had him moving. Outside the van, it was thoroughly starting to pour, and he looked over to her car in the corner of the parking lot, vacant of shelter and sitting in a pool of rainwater. He raised an arm over his head to keep the rain off his face and found her doing the same. "You're crazy if you think I can fix anything in weather like this. I need my van!"

 

"Then  _ act like it. _ Give me some hint that you're not going to bolt the moment I look away," she huffed, blonde curls sticking to the side of her face. It really was raining unnecessarily hard. Nero considered hopping back into his van in a moment, but if he couldn't stare down some dumb girl in the parking lot while she was holding his livelihood hostage, what good was he?

 

But...  _ Ugh, _ fuck it. He had a gig a couple blocks away and less than two hours to catch up on thirty-six hours of sleep.

 

"Give me your phone."

 

"What?"

 

He snatched it out of her hand and flipped it over, wincing at the default background and the fact that she apparently didn't feel the need to lock it. He punched in his contact info and tossed it back at her. She caught it, thankfully, and looked down at the screen, honestly surprised.

 

"Don't call me unless you're dying or something's on fire. In fact, don't even call me then—" He watched her rename his contact to something he couldn't quite make out. "—I'm not your _ ward _ . I have my own things to do. A deal's a deal—" He hopped back into his van and reached for an old towel sitting out to dry off his face and hair. "Insurance first, repairs second."

 

Tessa mulled it over for a moment, growing increasingly more soaked. Then, finally, backed down. She peeled one of her wet curls off her face and shoved her phone into her pocket. "Fine. When the weather clears up—"

 

"When the weather clears up," he nodded, hoping the forecast called for flooding. Or at least enough rain for him to actually... learn what the hell he was supposed to do to fix her car. "I'll do it."

 

She didn't look like she believed him, but the rain was hitting her flat in the face and making things unbearable.

 

"I'll hunt you down," she threatened, and it was pretty cute how she thought scaring him was actually a possibility. He'd like to see her _ try. _ "I'll fill out the forms for the insurance, but you're gonna regret it—"

 

"You've got me shaking in my boots," he said from the warm dryness of his van. Nero smirked as she wiped at her face with her sleeve, wet and miserable. "Not so bad for a guy who lives in his car now, huh?"

 

"Asshole," she said, winding her arms around herself as she trudged back towards her apartment.

 

Nero continued to smirk as he reached over to flick on his new TV, only to see the cord unplugged from the building again, and Tessa nowhere to be seen.

 

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. What a pain.

  
  



	3. Disorderly Drunks And Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot and minor characters?? in my rivalmance slowburn?? its more likely than you'd think

****

The job was easy;  a simple hack n' slash. The demons down the block weren't even that impressive to begin with. Sure, they had done some pretty impressive property damage, but it didn't even compare to the kind of stuff Nero did in his sleep, so he expected to breeze right through it all.

****

When he got there though, the warehouse was vacant with little sign of the demonic. Something about it just felt off, and the longer he lingered, wondering if he had actually made it to the right location, the more the place stank something awful, and not just in a suspicious way. But like, in a _very literal way_ . Like molten garbage and pepper spray made for bears. Having a heightened sense of smell had its downsides, and after ditching the place in favor of actual breathable air, Nero could actually still smell it on his clothes hours after leaving. It was _unbearable_ . Being in an enclosed space made it even worse— like hotboxing in a van with burning plastic and _skunk cabbage_.

****

Nero's hand flew to his phone without really thinking about it.

****

_'let me use your shower.'_

****

He didn't exactly know which floor was hers, but he knew one of the windows faced his parking lot and that she was up there somewhere.

****

Her text came nearly thirty seconds later. _'No.'_

****

_'Why not?'_

****

She responded immediately. _'You don't need to know where I live.'_

****

He scoffed. _'I can make a pretty good guess.'_

****

No reply.

****

_'let me use your shower,'_ he sent again.

****

Instead of actually replying, she sent a thumbs down emoji and left him on read.

 

Nero cursed and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. The shower in the van was busted-- and the water tank was empty and it always cost an arm and a leg to fill. He did briefly consider going to the pool or something, but he had like, barely enough cash for chicken nuggets. Like, less than that. It was a hard knock life as far as Nero was concerned.

****

" _Uggggghhhhhh._ "

****

He considered harassing Tessa again when he glanced over to the main door of her building. There was a list of the people living inside—honestly, he could just find out which floor she lived on and climb the outside of the building when she wasn't around. Was that breaking and entering? yeah, but did Nero actually care? His jacket smelled like garbage and it was really starting to cramp his style.

****

His phone pinged as he made his way out of the van and towards the door. Another hit on a group of demons nearby. _Sweet_ . His eyes scanned the list of tenants as he thought about Mexican food and breadsticks. Wait, he'd have to get Italian or something to get breadsticks, right? _Decisions, decisions..._

****

"Todd L, Theresa V, Terry W—"

****

No Tessa, fuck. Had he gotten her name wrong? Looking over the list again, her name just... didn't show up. _Hm_.

****

It had been a shitty plan anyway—probably for the best he didn't break in. Of course, he could always push every single one of the call buttons until she answered, but somehow that didn't strike him as such a good idea either. He still wanted that free WiFi from the tenants after all.

****

Another ping. He looked down at the screen and noted it was from the weapons expert he had spoken to a couple times, updating him on a project of theirs. Heading back to the van, Nero glanced over to to the Nissan parked a couple spaces away, grabbed his sword with his gloved hand, and typed with his other.

****

_'Yuo no anythign bt  c arrep sirs?'_

****

_'....what?'_

****

He sighed and tucked Yamato under his arm. ' _Know anything about car repairs?'_

****

Nico texted him back a couple seconds later. _'What kind of girl do you think I am?'_

****

There. Piece of cake. He'd be outta here in no time flat.

****

X

****

Tessa set her pencil down and rubbed her temples. After six hours of studying and doing homework, she was starting to see letters when she closed her eyes. It was probably for the best that they were ingrained in her mind, but her joints were getting stiff after sitting for so long.

****

She padded into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of water for her plants, cracking her neck and her back as she made her way back into the living room. The apartment was sparsely decorated, which suited her just fine, but it meant that the pet she was babysitting didn't have a lot of furniture to climb on.

****

"No! get off that!" She shooed the old cat away from her homework binder and snatched her books off the table. The stupid thing had torn half a page of her textbook and eaten part of her eraser. She glared at it as it sauntered back into her bathroom. "You're lucky I won't turn you into a _bath mat_."

****

Tessa ran a hand through her hair and sat back down in her chair. The rain battered her window, and her eyes slid down to the parking lot below. What an utter waste of time.

****

Speaking of wastes of time, her phone started to vibrate.

****

"I swear I turned you off," she huffed, ready to defend her shower privileges again. Instead, it turned out to be a different caller. "Angelina, hey."

****

"Tessssss." She sounded drunk. _Great_. "Heyy.... do you think you could, I mean—" she giggled, and Tessa could hear chatter in the background. Somewhere crowded, at least. She heard another familiar voice, and someone talking close to the receiver. "Tessa, Jamie says hi."

****

"I heard," she sighed.

****

"Are you going to say hi back?"

****

"Angie why are you calling—"

****

"Jamie, she said hiiii—"

****

"No I didn't, don't put words in my mouth—"

****

"He said Hi back again. God, why did you break up, you're like, literally perfect for each other."

****

"I'm going to hang up if you don't say something worth my time," she warned, and soon the phone changed hands.

****

"Tessa, hey." That was Jamie, he sounded like he had his hands full at the moment. "Do you think you could get here? Angelina's made... one of several mistakes, and dragged us into them."

****

"Us? who else are you with?"

****

"Come here, please?"

****

"Can't, car's busted," she said lightly, not at all that torn up about it. She skimmed the last couple lines of her homework, wondering where this was going. "Why can't you just get a cab?"

****

"Because—"

****

The phone was snatched out of his hand and another person started talking. "Hey, it's Maxwell."

****

Tessa rubbed her temples. She could be studying again, or re-reading her text, or watching Forensic Files or something. _Anything!_ "....Hey Max."

****

She could hear Angelina gasp in the background. God, was she on speakerphone now? "Did you hear that? she says hey to Max and not you? That's... that is so..." there was a sniffle, from a very drunk and very emotional med student ( _who should be studying_ ). "...SO sad."

****

"You've got me. We've been having a secret love affair for months and you just found out about it now."

****

"Max," Tessa warned. "Please tell me what's going on." Honestly, what a nuisance. "And shut up."

****

"How am I supposed to do both?" he chuckled, but, thank god, finally got to the point. "Word's been that there's been trouble in the area, you know, dangerous streets. _Shadows in alleyways and such._ So we decided to call you."

****

"Uh-huh," she said slowly, leaning back in her chair. Okay, maybe they had a reason to call after all. "And you're all too drunk to take care of yourselves, is that what you're saying?"

****

"You get me. It's like we're on the same _wavelength_ or something—"

****

She heard Angelina grab for the phone. "Max you’re SO mean—"

****

"So you're allowed to rib her about Jamie but I'm not allowed bug you both in retaliation? It’s been like, _months_."

****

Somewhere in her bedroom, Tessa heard her neighbors cat knock something off a shelf, and she closed her eyes. "I'm hanging up now."

****

"Byeeeeee Tessaaa—"

****

"Get here soon—" said Jamie, and she hung up on him. _Click._

****

Done with _that noise_ , she headed to her bedroom to pick up the lamp Mr. Snuffles knocked over and went to her closet to change out of her pajamas. If she had it her way, she'd be ten pages into an article about _The Art Of The Human Colon_ by now, but apparently, life had it out for her this week.

****

She pointed a finger at the cat rolling around on her pillow, shedding white hair everywhere. "You better behave until I get back, or so help me god."

****

Mr. Snuffles blinked his big blue eyes up at her, promising nothing, and yet still somehow letting her down.

****

She sighed and stuffed her hair into a bun. "I don't know why I even bother."

****

X

****

When Nero got to the location it was a lot more crowded than he expected. The report had mentioned that most of the trouble was focused in a nearby carpark, but they hadn't mentioned the fact that it was right next to a nightclub. And it was _singles night_ , apparently— so it was full of wasted losers looking for a good time. The perfect snack for any demon with a particular case of the munchies.

****

He recognized the song playing next door as he stalked the lot, and he mouthed the words as he turned corners and made his rounds. For the second time that day, that... lingering smell was in the air, and he considered covering his nose with his hand when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he honed in on a car moving erratically.

****

He drew one of his pistols. A sword wouldn't do in close combat like this.

****

But when he got closer it wasn't demons he was interrupting.

****

"A little privacy?" said a woman with her dress hiked up to her stomach, and a guy struggling to undo the clasp on her bra in a single-minded action. He didn't even seem to notice another person there, or the fact that he was _armed_.

****

_Idiots_.

****

Nero winced and turned his attention elsewhere.

****

The more he walked the worse the smell seemed to get, and despite honestly wanting to turn tail and leave, he tracked it to the center of the car park by one of the ramps leading to an upper level. There was nothing... particularly _off_ about the scene. Nothing particularly _demonic_ either, just a couple empty cans near someone's motorcycle. He kicked some of the trash out of the way and opted to breathe through his mouth, because the stench was _unbearable,_ but then there was this awful taste in his mouth and he tried not to gag. Whatever it was, it was _nasty,_ but there wasn't a single demon in sight, and it... didn't make sense.

****

First this morning, this? The locations were in opposite directions, how were they connected? and how the hell was he going to get _paid?_ Nero did another lap around the property before setting his sights on the populated night club. If the smell was enough to drive him away, did it mean the same for the demons? or was it just a mark that they were there... somewhere, and a bigger, badder beastie had claimed this territory for its own? if that was the case, he wouldn't be surprised if they decided on moving house. He might as well scope the place out and try to bum a couple drinks off people if he was going home empty-handed tonight.

****

Inside, the music was even louder and somehow even more obnoxious as he walking in through the back. The place didn't smell like shit though, besides.... the remaining fumes sticking to his clothes. _Eugh_. He really needed a shower after this.

****

Someone stumbled into him as he tried to make his way through the crowd, and another person stepped on his foot. A couple dozen people made eyes at the sword strapped to his back, but he brushed past them, eyes scanning the ceiling for moving shadows. It all looked innocent enough, but he knew enough about the supernatural not to take it at face value. So he stalked, and he circled, and he caught himself looking _exactly_ like some of the other... creepy, predatory dudes watching the crowd of people, dancing and whatnot, and that was enough to turn him off the entire mission and make his way over to the bar. _Gross_. Singles night was so not his scene…

****

But nobody seemed to be bothered at all by the smell. Nero was wondering if he imagined it by the time someone finally opened a door and a bunch of fresh, rancid air blew in, and he covered his nose again on instinct.

****

"What the hell are you doing here?"

****

Aaaaand great. Just great. This night could not get _any better._

****

"I could ask you the same thing." he turned and looked down at the one would-be-demon he couldn't seem to shake. "I didn't pin you for the clubbing type. Run out of subjects to study on your own?"

****

Tessa pointedly ignored his comment, both arms crossed over her denim jacket. "How did you even get here?"

****

"I walked. People do that somethings, you know."

****

"Impressive." She shot him a cutting smile, nodding at the sword on his back. "I see you brought your girlfriend along. I'm surprised the bouncers haven't thrown you out yet."

****

"I slipped them a couple trading cards and they let me in. And I’m like, somewhat of a known badass around here." He leaned back and stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. "Ask anyone."

****

"When I start to care about the kind of person you are, I just might," she sighed and turned towards a group of people sitting by the bar.

****

"Yeah well, if that ever happens," he muttered, while she started barking orders at a particularly drunk looking brunette and her two male friends. "Shoot me first."

****

She didn't even seem to hear him over the sound of the club. What a waste of time. Where the hell were the demons when he needed them?

****

"Tessssaaa, hey. Hey, are you like, using a moisturizer? it's really... great," the brunette giggled as she stumbled into Tessa's arms. She patted the blonde's face affectionately while Tessa grimaced at her breath. "Have I ever told you that I love you? I'm........ I love. I just love you so... SO much."

****

"God, Angelina you're a _mess_ ," Tessa groaned, pushing the brunette back onto her feet as the other two men tried to keep her upright. Angelina laughed when the taller, long-haired guy slung her arm over his shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Tessa, in turn, looked sharply at the other guy. "Why the hell did you encourage her?"

****

"It wasn't supposed to go this far," he sighed, running a hand through his curly black hair. "And nobody got hurt."

****

"' _Nobody got hurt,_ '" Tessa mocked, and _wow,_ she really was like this with other living people too? Nero felt a bit of sympathy go to the guy— she really wasn't fun at parties, like, at all. "You think Angie's gonna say that when she wakes up tomorrow? You know we have classes."

****

"Tessaaa, it's fiiinee, I'll just drink…. a couple eggs, you know? y'know how it is," said Angelina, leaning heavily into her friend's side.

****

"I don't. I really don't know how it is, Angelina," Tessa said, a pinched expression on her face. "Why don't you tell me on our way to my apartment?"

****

Nero leaned over towards the bar and stole a french fry off someone's plate while they weren't looking, and Tessa’s eyes flashed back to him.

****

"You're still here."

****

"I am," he said, grabbing another couple fries for good measure. They were good— but did the guy have to cover them in vinegar? _ugh_ , some people. "Wanna fight about it some more?"

****

She curled her lip and turned for the door.

****

"Tessaaa,” Her drunk friend laughed, "who is.... this guy, how do you know him?"

****

"He's the ass who wrecked my car," she said, loud enough for him to pick up over the thrum of the music.

****

"Oh," Then, with god as her witness, she said, "Man, I wish he'd wreck _my..._ car."

****

" _Jesus christ_ ," Tessa hissed, and moved to drag her outside. Nero started on at them with a dumbfounded expression, but as she opened the door, _that smell_ was back. He opened his mouth to say something when a window shattered and the sounds of _screaming_ broke out among the club.

****

Nero pulled out his pistol, glad that finally, something _interesting_ was finally happening tonight so he wouldn’t have to deal with… whatever the hell was going on with Tessa and her friends. 

****

"Finally, I was starting to worry I got stood up!"


	4. Sorry For Party Rocking (and also for the fire)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out how Nero got his new haircut and Tessa is the perfect hostess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I finished the game last night and im so... full of so many feelings. I'm SO happy. The pasta breaker is my everything, and every scene with Nico in it is a work of art. Game Of The Year, am I RIGHT???

"GET DOWN!"

****

Tenna buried her head in her arms as a spray of glass showered down on them. The speakers blared an old pop rock hit over the sound of screams and feet scuffling. She was knocked back by a sudden influx of people bolting towards the door— someone stepped on her hand, another person all but kneed her in the face, and a moment later she was under a table with a bloody nose, glass dug into the heel of her shoes.

****

Someone was crying. She could hear a rapid spray of gunfire and see the muzzle flash against the walls but she couldn't see anyone though the chaos. By the time she spotted a familiar face, she was already moving— crawling under the bar as bodies dove to to either side, flanked by demons and chaos and humans alike.

****

She spotted the top of Jamie’s head first and crawled over to him. “What the hell is happening?!”

****

“Scarecrows!” He ducked as a bar stool whirled over his head and burst into pieces on the wall behind him. Sweating, he knocked the splinters from his hair, and gestured at the scene above her. “Your friend over there seems to be enjoying himself though??”

****

“He’s _not_ my friend, I don’t even _know him_ —” she said, wincing as the gunfire continued. There, in the centre of the dancefloor, now that most people had fled, Nero traded blows with half a dozen demons, all ready and prepared to take a chunk out of him. “ _Idiot!_ he’s going to get himself killed!”

****

_"Lets dance!_ " She heard him cry, and for a moment Tessa honestly _did_ hope he got the crap beaten out of him. _What was he thinking taking them all on like that!?_

****

As she saw Angelina and Maxwell across the room, Jamie grabbed her arm. “We need to move!”

****

“This is such a _fucking mess!_ ” Tenna ducked as a scarecrow lunged at them, heart in her throat and the taste of blood on her lips. She stumbled over a slippery patch of liquid on the floor, only to look down and realize it was one of the bouncers. She looked back up at her friends. “Guys—”

****

Jamie, Maxwell and Angelina looked back at her, rumpled, intoxicated and afraid.

****

She looked around the room and spotted more bodies. More injured—more victims. And the flash of white hair and sword steel glinting under bright blue and pink lights. It was a wonder the music hadn’t cut out yet.

****

“Has anyone called for _help_ yet?”

****

“I...” Jamie looked down at the bouncer at their feet, still twitching, still _alive_ , still worth _saving_. “I don’t think so.”

****

She wrenched her arm free from his grasp, breathing hard, and wiped her bloody nose on the back of her hand. “Then we _can’t leave, they’ve got nobody else._ ”

****

He cursed, and quickly started undoing his tie. “Damnit, you’re right. Max, if you could—?”

****

Maxwell pulled out his phone and started dialing. Angelina ran a hand through her hair, pale and wobbly. She had a cut on her cheek and pulled Max out of the way before a scarecrow slammed into him. Instead, its metal legs wedged themselves into the floorboards, and Tessa jumped out of the way as it grabbed for her.

****

“Do either of you have anything to deal with it??” She hissed, stumbling further back as it lunged again, eyes locked on her and only her as the music swelled and her ears ached.

****

Jamie shouted over the music, hands clamped down on the bouncer’s artery as it sprayed bright blood onto his shirt. “What makes you think we came prepared for this?!”

****

“I don’t know—maybe because you’re supposed to be smart? You didn’t _bring anything_?!”

****

Maxwell’s eyes widened as she hopped behind the bar and the scarecrow started taking chunks out of the counter. “Why _didn’t you?!_ ”

****

“Sh—shut up!”

****

Tessa’s breathing came harder. Her chin dripped blood onto her pink blouse. There was a tear in her denim jacket, and she was pretty sure she had pulled somethething. The nightclub had vacaded as much as possible, and most of the demons had their sights set on the jackass in the middle of the dancefloor— _likely dead now, fuck_ —Tessa kept glancing over, hoping to see white hair among the scarecrows, but didn’t hold her breath.

****

_This was such a mess_ . _There was a reason she preferred staying home where it was safe!_

****

“Tessa, catch!”

****

Angelina tossed her a bottle over the counter and she grabbed it, stumbling away before the scarecrow could turn her into a proper shish kebab. She looked down at the bottle felt her soul sink into her shoes. “ _Hairspray?_ What am I supposed to do with this!”

****

“Oh for the love of—” the moment Jamie took his hand off the Bouncer’s leg a new splash of arterial blood hit the floor, but he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and chucked it at her head. “Be a little creative for once!”

****

“For once?!” She said, scandalized, as she dove for the thing. A second scarecrow broke off from the rest and darted its way behind the bar.

****

A broken bottle met her foot as she backed up. Wine and blood and water soaked the ground—someone had left out a perfectly good martini before shit hit the fan, and for a moment, while she held her Extra Strength Hairspray and the lighter in her hand, she wondered what Mr. Snuffles was doing back home.

****

She hoped her bed wasn't covered in cat hair.

****

She plucked the olives from the martini, downed the drink, and then gently set the glass back down.

****

“ _Alright_.”

****

The makeshift flamethrower caught the edge of the scarecrow’s arm as it tumbled forward. The stitches caught, unraveling as beetles hissed and their wings went up like paper. The marionette stumbled forward further, great blade outstretched despite the fire, but she blasted it again with the hairspray until the whole of it was engulfed in flame. When it got too close and began to flail wildly, Tessa leapt over the bar, smoke filling the the area. Her feet touched down on the other side, she turned and blasted another scarecrow until it was a proper pyre as well, demon beetles glowing like fireflies in the dark of the club.

****

There was so much blood on her blouse. Tessa wiped her nose again, panting, and stared at the dancefloor. There was absolutely no fucking way Nero would be alive in the middle of them.

****

"You're not seriously considering going up against that, are you?"

****

Tessa glanced over to where Angelina stood, helping an injured man to his feet. She considered her options.

****

"No." She paused, still staring over at the dancefloor where— _there_ —another round of gunfire went off, and she caught the fash of steel. "Maybe."

****

"We need to evacuate these people and cut our losses," Jamie grunted, hauling the bouncer to his feet. Maxwell cut his call short and helped him a moment later.

****

"The police are on their way," he said, hoping it would be enough for Tessa to back down and leave with them.

****

She cursed. This whole thing gave her the worse case of guilt, and yet, here she was, leaving. Her foot hit another full bottle on the ground, and she picked it up, looking at the mess of the club around them.

****

An idea struck her mind, and she faced the dance floor.

****

"Does anyone have a rag?"

****

It wasn't a perfect shot. Her reflexes were slow. She didn't account for the fact that the Scarecrows were moving, and she also didn't expect an opening to appear between the mass of bodies.

****

She _also_ didn't expect the molotov cocktail to fly directly at _Nero's fucking head._

****

There was a breath's moment where their eyes met across the dancefloor. The music swelled, the lights flashed, and the demons tapped their bladed feet to the beat.

****

Tessa's eyes widened.

****

His expression morphed from cocky to something else entirely as the the glass—

****

Broke

****

on his entire face.

****

and his hair went up in flames.

****

Tessa peeled off her jacket and quickly darted across the room the second the glass shattered.  “Oh fuck, oh my god--”

****

She could feel eyes on her as she practically— _literally_ —smothered the blaze on Nero’s head, and they went tumbling to the ground, surrounded by flaming demons.

****

“Remind me to never ask you to be creative again!” called Jamie from the other side of the club. Tessa was too preoccupied in losing her _shit_ to even clue in on what he said. She was too _terrified_ she had maybe just killed a man.

****

_A bladed foot_ stabbed down in the space between Tessa and the now-maybe-deceased Nero, and her eyes widened a second, hands still clenched down on his smoking head, before a gunshot rang out and the demon above them toppled.

****

There was a muffled series of curse words, and she turned her widened eyes on her smoking jacket.

****

Imagine _her_ surprise when Nero pulled the jacket off and he wasn't even that badly burnt.

****

_Definitely angry though._

****

“H-how…” she choked out, numbly staring at him in awe. It _defied logic._ He should at least have second degree burns on his face-—glass shards. _Something._ “The hell?”

****

Nero looked at her, hair smoking, face achy, and if looks could kill, she’d be ten feet under by now.

****

“N-never….” he said, wheezing, and shot another demon that got too close. A piece of glass fell off the side of his face. It looked like he didn’t have any eyebrows left. “Do anything for me ever again.”

****

Tessa just stared at him, openly.

****

“Deal.”

****

X

****

It was like looking at a future serial killer's den.

****

That was the only way to describe Tessa's apartment. Bland, lifeless and without a single personal object, he almost expected the furniture to be covered in plastic. And no, that statement wasn't at all colored by the fact that she had set him on fucking fire. He wasn't at all broken up about the fact that she was the reason he currently don't have any goddamn eyebrows, and he _definitely wasn't still furious about it—_

****

Nero took a deep breath, and dropped his sword on the table as the others took off their shoes.

****

"Hey." Tessa gave him a sharp look as she took off her jacket. Her teeth were stained pink from the blood, but she had managed to stop her nosebleed on their walk back to the apartment. Nero couldn't really recall most of it. "Get that off the table."

****

He curled his lip at her and shoved the blade into the umbrella rack, no doubt causing more harm to umbrellas already inside, but he was too tired and pissed to listen to her response.

****

"Which way is the shower?"

****

"Second door on the left—"

****

The door closed behind him a little harder than necessary.

****

The bathroom was equally as impersonal and lifeless. White walls and beige tiles, with a little window so small it would've been more at home in a jail cell. Nero pulled off his jacket and slipped off his socks and shoes, catching a handful of glimpses at his hair in the mirror, each time regretting the last couple days the longer he stared. If he hadn't met Tessa his life would be _so_ less difficult. At least then he wouldn't look like such a goddamn _clown._

****

Maybe he should learn to park properly…

****

…

****

No, this was definitely her fault.

****

He scratched at the scales on his arm as the water started running. It was a pain to keep it stuffed in a glove while he was out in the more... normal cities. Not that he could really call the big city _normal._ They just didn't have the same feel of the Order, or any kind of exposure to demons or the supernatural other than random attacks. And that was fine, in his books, but it really did great on his nerves whenever people started screaming when they saw his arm. So he forgot to trim his nail for a couple days, and his palm glowed blue while he was trying to get a fucking slurpee. Was it really worth the police sirens and the swat team? no. Hence, the glove; so he wouldn't have to explain himself to death while dodging bullets. _Again_.

****

The shower was cold when he stepped in. Another insult upon insult. As soon as he possibly could, he'd bend Tessa's car into shape with his bare hands if he had to. He didn't need to explain himself—she already probably suspected something when he hadn't ended up burnt to death after her little molotov stunt. Let her wonder, he didn't care. He was just glad he finally got a shower out of the whole mess and managed to finish up the scarecrows before the fire spread to his jacket.

****

...or his eyelashes.

****

Nero repressed a shudder and tried not to think about how _that_ as he reached for the soap. He expected some generic brand shampoo— o match the shower curtains, and the bath mat, and the toothpaste—but instead, he picked up a bottle of... yogurt shampoo…. and honey conditioner.

****

"What..."

****

He stared at the logos and wondered if, under dire circumstance, they'd be edible. Were they edible? If he ended up with soap in his mouth would it taste like actual vanilla yogurt or would he just be some psycho eating soap and wondering where his left lead to get to this point. Fortuna didn't have stuff like this. The amount of... things... in the big city was a joke. What was wrong with normal soap? Who needed shit like this?

****

He scrubbed as much ash out of his hair as possible, lathering up the... yogurt... until he was sure he didn't stink of burnt hair and tequila. When Nero was done, he shut off the water and wiped down the bathroom mirror with his palm.

****

He looked like a mad scientist.

****

Worse, he looked like he had been struck by lightning. Patches of his hair was just _gone_ , and other parts were fused together and melted. He still had... some eyebrow left. enough to scowl with at least. It didn't make things any better.

****

He opened her medicine cabinet looking for a pair of scissors.

****

His hand brushed a pack of bright red-looking vitamins, and he pulled out a tiny pair of nail scissors a moment later. They had a weird flower-shaped handle on the end, so when he went to snip away some of his hair, they pinched his fingers and made the whole ordeal even more frustrating than seemingly possible. Because _of course_ things had to be even more difficult than they already were. It was like Tessa's entire apartment was an elaborate trap designed to confuse and ridicule.

****

...was he sure she wasn't some sort of demon? it would make a whose lot more sense if this turned out to be some sort of ploy to... steal yamato, or something, and then suck away his soul. With blackmail and yogurt.

****

When he was done, he towled himself off and got dressed. His boots left bloody mud prints on the wet bathroom floor, and he wondered for a moment if he should like, clean up or something, before he shrugged and left the bathroom. It smelt like garlic outside— and bread, and he turned to see Tessa's less-drunk friends cooking... what looked like pasta on the stove, and playing cards at the table. The tall one with the long brown hair looked up at him after losing a hand to the asian girl— whose name started with an A?— and he beckoned Nero over with a wave of the hand.

****

"Look, someone else to bully other than me.”

****

Nero ran one of Tessa's boring grey towel over his hair as he approached the others, and they turned their full attention on him.

****

Jamie dropped his cards and blinked up at him, slightly dumbfounded. "Dude."

****

Angelina stared, unblinking. "The _hair._..."

****

"What?" Nero said, defensive. It had been a pain to get it looking alright, what was their problem?

****

A second later, Tessa looked over at them from the kitchen in a tacky white apron. She had changed out of her bloodstained clothes into her pajamas, which had... bunnies on it... There was a pot of spaghetti noodles boiling over on the stove. She stared at him like he had grown a second head. "You... you have..."

****

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Spit it out."

****

" _A mullet_."

****

A heartbeat passed. Nero recalled his reflection in the mirror and realized maybe she was right. Oh _god_ , maybe she _was_ right.

****

His face colored. "I'd like to see you do any better after being set on fire!"

****

"I mean I could?? It's literally—" She struggled not to break down laughing and he hated her for it. "Awful, just _awful!_ You look like you did it with your sword! Oh my god!"

****

He ran a hand through his hair and he wanted to set her on fire in revenge. He wanted to set her entire apartment on fire. He wanted to wipe that _stupid look off her face._ "You're not even going to apologize? This is your fault!"

****

"Okay, let me apologize by cutting your hair the right way, _you idiot_ ," she laughed, moving out of the kitchen to the bathroom.

****

He stepped away from her as she passed by, and he caught her taking in the whole _business in the front and party in the back_ . He turned his head so she couldn't see the rest, but the wicked flash of her teeth as she cackled made him want to curl up and _die._

****

...but then her words sunk in and he was right on her heels, following her.

"You're not getting anywhere near me with scissors!"

****

She raised both eyebrows at him. "So you _want_ to look like that? is that it??"

****

"NO! I mean, I just—" He stopped when she looked down and saw his muddy boot tracks all over the bathroom floor, and then also onto her clean white carpets.

****

Their eyes met, and he looked down at his shoes.

****

She looked back up at him, daisy-shaped scissors in hand.

****

"Nero," she said, and the icy chill in her voice totally wasn't threatening at all. If it came down to a brawl, there was no doubt he’d win, but with hair like his, would it really that be much of a victory?  "Let me cut your hair."

****

"I'm good," he said, taking a step back—but he was still in his boots and her eyes tracked as another smudge of crimson brown streaked the carpet.

****

"Nero."

****

"Get away from me."

****

"STOP MOVING!"

****

"NO!"

****

"TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES THEN!"

****

"NO!!"

****

"I SWEAR TO GOD—"

****

For a powerless five foot four med student dressed in bunny pajamas, she was a surprisingly tough opponent.


	5. You Have Friends??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nero gets a proper haircut and some opinions are shared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: ok here's my author's warning ahead of time that Kyrie's in this chapter and that she'd going to play a relative part in this story. I know the fandom's kinda divided about her and thats valid, I am too, which is why I'm gunna activly try to give her more of a character than what she has in canon while also ignoring other parts that doesnt suit this fic, like the romance plot. Her and Nero are strictly platonic, childhood bffs, just to keep things nice and simple. Love triangles can be fun in theory but somone always gets hurt, which is why I don't like writing them. Same goes for Tessa and her ex-- I have plans, but don't sweat it, the only people making out are gunna be Tessa and Nero after like, 100K of slowburn hell ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"I hate you so much."

"The feeling is incredibly mutual," she grimaced, trimming his fair white hair. After she had cooled off and all but welded him into one of her dining chairs, she hadn't expected the act of cutting his hair to be so... uncomfortably _personal._

He shifted slightly, and she flicked him on the side of the head.

"OW!" He said, moving even more to rub his temple. "What the hell was that for?"

"Do you want me to cut you? because I will if you keep squirming," she hissed, trying to get an even trim. It was such _pain_ to do this.

With another few snips, more white hair fell onto her kitchen floor. She scowled at the thought of having to clean it up later, along with... all the bloodstains. God it was like inviting a living disaster into her house. She didn't even want to think about the mess in the bathroom. If he touched her medicine cabinet she'd kill him.

He sat in silence and glowered at the floor while she snipped away. "You have terrible aim, by the way." He scratched his nose, and she nearly gave him a bald spot from all the movement. _Bastard._

She narrowed her eyes and almost wished she _had_ given him a bald spot. "Maybe I _was_ aiming for you. Your head is a pretty big target, after all."

He tried to rise from his seat to face her. "YOU—"

She grabbed his head and forced him to sit back down. "STAY. STILL."

"You are SUCH A PAIN!"

"Shut up about it until I'm done!"

"UUUGHHHH!"

"That is so cute." Angelina sighed and dug into a plate of buttered spaghetti noodles. Tessa didn't actually have any sauce in the apartment, but it was like 1 am and nobody wanted to go to sleep after the disaster at the dance club. So they were all just... sprawled out in her living room eating her food and being annoying. Angelina was probably the worst of them all as she twirled a fork in her noodles and played with her hair. "Tessa you need to keep me in the loop a bit more, if I knew about jack frost over here I wouldn't have given you such a hard time before."

He glowered at her out of the corner of his eye. "It's Nero."

"Whatever," she said, disregarding his entire presence in favor of her friend. "My point is you should talk to me more. We could've invited you both out with us?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, snipping a bit more hair.

"It's just not fair," she sighed, stuffing the spaghetti into her mouth. Between bites she continued, "You can't just keep guys like this a secret, you gotta share 'em sometimes, you know?"

Tessa twiched. "I don't, and we're not having this conversation, I don't even know him."

"But tessaaaaa," she whined. "If I had known you found a boyyyy—"

"Found a—" Nero spluttered, and she accidentally snipped a bit too much off the back. "Excuse me!?"

"Angie eat your pasta and sober up please I can't take much more of this," Tessa groaned, evening up the back of Nero's head. There, that... wasn't a mullet, at least. "Might I remind you that he's a fucking devil hunter."

That shut her up, and she took another bite of pasta. "Oh, right."

She could sense Nero stiffen as everyone's eyes slid to him, and the chain sword sitting in her umbrella stand. The fact that only _now_ was the moment he was still, after she was done, made her grimace as she handed him a mirror.

"You should be thanking me, by the way. At least you don't look like white trash anymore."

The look of absolute loathing he shot her way was both hilarious and aggravating at the same time.

"You— thank you?!" he repeated.

"Yes, you're welcome." she said smugly, and went to go grab a broom to sweep away the mess they had made.

She heard him make some sort of noise while he checked out his new haircut. It wasn't exactly positive, but it wasn't negative either. Then, his phone chimed.

Angelina gave him the side-eye as she twirled her noodles around her fork. "Sounds like someone's trying to facetime you."

Nero all but dropped the mirror to grab his phone. "Shit—"

Tessa snatched the mirror out of his hands before he broke something else of hers. "Who's _Kyrie_?"

"Nobody you'll ever meet if I have anything to say about it." He narrowed his eyes at her and ran a hand through his hair as he looked at his reflection on his screen. As his phone rang on, he started to sweat.

"Why don't you just pick up?"

"Why don't you shut up?" he shot back, and finally answered, but not before... drawing up his hood to cover his haircut. Tessa had to _laugh._

"Nero, hey!"

Female voice. Cute, by the sound of it. Tessa couldn't imagine anyone putting up with him willingly and went over to get the last of the spaghetti before it went bad.

"Hey, uhhh—" in his socks, Nero padded over to the livingroom and stiffly sat as far as possible away from Tessa's friends. He kept the camera pointed away from his new haircut. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Did you forget you said you'd call me tonight? I thought—"

"Shit, I'm sorry, I just..." he shot a glare over in Tessa's direction and grimaced. "Got a little sidetracked."

Tessa could hear her laugh from the kitchen. Oh, so she was used to _disappointment, huh?_ Figures.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." There was a pause. "Where are you right now? I figured you'd be in the van still."

"Nowhere special," he said quickly. "How 'bout I call you later after I'm done here?"

"That's fine." There was an audible yawn, and Kyrie's voice was slightly muffled by what sounded like her hand covering her mouth. "It's pretty late though, I just wanted to make sure you were in one piece."

Nero continued to sweat, and tugged down his hood. "Yup, all of me is right here, no doubt about that."

"Hey does anyone else want some spaghetti? I'm gunna put the rest in the fridge," Tessa called, waving around a tupperware container.

Nero's gloved hand shot up and he pointed at her threateningly. "Me, give some to me, I didn't suffer at your hands tonight just to be mocked and left starving. Drop that container or so help me."

Tessa gave him a flat look. "I'm the master of this house I think I have a say in who gets pasta or not."

"You're SUCH a _bitch_ —"

"Nero! Manners!" hushed the voice on the phone, and to Tessa's monumental surprise, he actually restrained himself.

He closed his eyes. A nerve jumped in his jaw. "If you could... spare some... that'd be…. _great_..."

Whoever Kyrie was, Tessa _loved_ this girl. Just giving him the leftovers looked like a defeat in his eyes. She stuck one of her flowery ornamental forks in the centre and gave him her sweetest smile when he took it. "Here you go, _champ._ "

He looked like he wanted to throw her out the nearest window. It was _fantastic._

He broke eye contact with her and looked down at the ornamental fork. The silence from Kyrie was _deafening_. Hearing his next words added another three years to her lifespan. "...thanks."

"Sh-sure thing," she choked out, trying desperately not to laugh.

While Tessa returned to the kitchen to clean up, Nero sat in prolonged suffering while her friends did a poor job of listening in to his and Kyrie's conversation.

"She seems nice," Kyrie said eventually, which left Nero sputtering and coughing on his food.

"WHAT? Kyrie no, she's really—" He shot a wary glance over at Tessa's friends, who waved at him and continued playing their game of cards. "Not. _Really._ I'm not here because I want to be."

"Oh, well, that's a shame. It's nice seeing you out with people—"

Then the unexpected happened. Well, unexpected in Nero's case, because he hadn't actually been in Tessa's apartment ever, and because he didn't see it coming. For everyone else involved they _had_ seen it coming, and had given absolutely no warning. Getting attacked by a cat was just the norm in Tessa's apartment, as far as she was concerned, and Mr. Snuffles was an assassin, through and through.

A series of things happened at once. First, Mr. Snuffles pounced.

"What the fUCK—?!"

Second, Nero dropped the phone.

Kyrie lost sight of what was going on and panicked. "Nero?"

and third, his pasta—

"NO!" Tessa shouted from the kitchen.

—fell onto the carpet.

(And his hood fell off.)

"MMMMEERRROW!"

"YOU—" Nero forcibly tore Mr. Snuffles off of his chest with both hands, claws dug straight into his shirt without a single shred of mery. He looked furiously over at Tessa, who was more concerned with her poor, poor carpet. "YOU LIVE IN A CIRCUS!"

Mr. Snuffles hissed at him and dug his teeth into Nero's ungloved hand. "MREOW!"

"OWCH—!" He grabbed Mr. Snuffles with his gloved hand. "You stupid hairball—!"

"Is everything okay?" Kyrie called again, and he sighed and picked up the phone with his bleeding hand.

"Yes. Maybe. No, I've been _attacked!_ " He let Mr. Snuffles in the shot, and Kyrie gasped.

"A kitty!" She laughed when Mr. snuffles went limp in Nero's grip and blinked his big blue eyes at the screen. "Oh Nero, He's so _cute_."

Nero made an offended noise. "It's faking, did you just hear me? _it attacked me_."

"I've always wanted a cat..." Kyrie sighed, apparently not having heard him. "What's his name?"

"I don't know and I don't _care_ —" Nero started, but Angelina cut in before he could change the topic.

"His name is Giacomeow Catsanova." She wrinkled her nose. "Because he's _so charming_ , right?"

Tessa groaned and shot her friend a tired look, raising her voice so she could be heard on the voice call. "We call him Snuffles because nobody can take his other name seriously, or pronounce it well enough."

"That's adorable..." Kyrie murmured. "Who said that?"

"Nobody," Nero stressed, but a moment later Kyrie had him turning the phone around so she could see them all. "A bunch of strangers. Are you happy?"

"Nero you didn't tell me you were eating with friends!" she gasped, and Tessa grew thirty percent more exhausted at the thought.

Weakly, she held up her hands. "No... no, uh..."

"We all became best friends tonight," Angelina smiled and waved at the camera."Bonded through trauma."

Nero looked at her for what might've been the first time ever. "Who are you again?"

"Hi, hello! it's nice to meet you all!" Kyrie said, with such enthusiasm and good will that Tessa felt somehow guilty just for being involved. "I would've loved to meet you all in person if Nero had said anything about it."

"Ha! Sounds like someone we know." Angelina gave a very pointed stare at Tessa while she and Nero both winced at the guilt brought out by Kyrie's lonesome, sad comment… damn, now Tessa got why Nero was so whipped, the girl was like, effortlessly innocent and sweet.

"Kyrie, it's not like that," the devil hunter began, but a second later Mr. Snuffles had dislodged himself from his grip and was standing on Nero's shoulder like he owned the place. He spluttered as a fluffy cat tail all but found its way into his mouth. "PpppfyCK— GOD, whAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

Kyrie was silent for a moment. "...maybe he thinks you're related."

"Why would it think that?!"

"The hair." And Nero realized his hood had fallen down some time ago.

He stilled. "It's not that bad is it...?"

She gave him a forced smile. "No! I-I think it's fine…!"

"Fine? _Just fine_ , Kyrie?"

"You should've seen it before," Tessa sighed, pulling Mr. Snuffles off of Nero before he threw the poor cat across the apartment. She sat down next to him so Kyrie could see her while she pulled out her phone. "I have pictures, if you want to see."

Nero looked at her so fast he could've broken mach 3. "You _do not_."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"If the shoe fucking fits?"

"Nero!" Kyrie scolded. "Don't be rude, you're in her house, aren't you?"

"Apartment, but yes," Tessa said sweetly as Suffles dug his claws into her leg. "And he should be nice to me, after everything that happened tonight."

Nero gave her the most bitter, accusing look imaginable. "I be nice to YOU? you haven't even apologized—"

"Apologized for what?" Kyrie asked as nero struggled to keep the camera steady while he yelled at her. "Guys?"

"I mean I let you inside, didn't I?"

"YOU SET ME ON FIRE!"

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"I'M PRETTY SURE A CLUB IS OPEN TO EVERYONE, YOU DON'T OWN IT—"

"I'm just honestly surprised they thought you were over eighteen with that attitude—"

"YOU—" He dropped the phone on the table, hands shaking. "SET ME ON _FIRE_ _._ "

She let out a great huff. "I don't know what else I'm supposed to say other than I'm sorry?"

He let out a strangled noise. "This is the first time you've said it!"

She gave him a sharp look. "You didn't hear me shout over the dancefloor ' _oh shit sorry!_ ' before I ran over to you?"

"Maybe," he said, taking a deep breath. "I was a bit distracted at the time."

'Well..." she said awkwardly, an embarrassed pink coloring her cheeks. "I'm sorry." There was a prolonged pause, where Nero almost convinced himself she wasn't going to be petty about this. " _Again_."

he stared at her. "You are unbelievable, you know that?"

"It sounds like you've been through a lot," Kyrie laughed from the phone, and it was then the two of them remembered that there were other people in the room. Tessa looked over and saw Angelina eating her cold un-sauced spaghetti like it was a bowl of popcorn, the other two boys looking equally entertained.

Max cheekily ribbed Jamie in the side. "Good that you got out while you could hm? That could've been you with a fireball to the face."

"Don't remind me," Jamie groaned, and rose from his seat. He took their dirty dishes and made his way out the kitchen, politely excusing himself. "Nero, it's been nice meeting you, under the circumstances, I'm glad you weren't seriously hurt tonight, but uhh..." he glanced over at Tessa's spare bedroom down the hall. "I'm gunna go pass out and try to forget what happened today, thanks."

"Yeah... do that..." Nero said, still not really sure who he was talking to. He watched as the others followed suit, and Kyrie yawned again on the phone. He picked it up off the table and scratched the back of his head, still not used to the haircut. "Kyrie, why don't you go to bed, I'll call you tomorrow and we can catch up."

"It feels like I'm always trying to catch up with you though..." she sighed, and Tessa tried not to eavesdrop as she bent down to clean the pasta off the floor and push away Mr snuffles before he got to it. "Why don't we meet up sometime? how does lunch sound?"

Seeing as how his most recent meals had been stolen club fries and un-sauced carpet spaghetti, it didn't sound like such a bad idea. He leaned into Tessa's couch comfortably. "Yeah, that doesn't sound so—"

"And you can bring your friend! with the cat!"

"Absolutely not," he said quickly.

Kyrie pouted. "Why not? you seem to know each other pretty well. I'd like to meet her in person."

"Trust me, through a camera is all you need," he hissed, and Tessa shot him a scathing glare.

Straightening herself out, Tessa finished cleaning up and spoke up loud enough for Kyrie to hear. "Do you specifically just want to meet me because of the cat, because if so I can just send Mr. snuffles over in my place."

She laughed, and Nero had horrible feeling about all of this. "No, silly, you can leave the cat at home. Lunch sounds nice, right? It's not every day Nero makes new friends."

"I don't- me? Friends? _I'm fine_ ," Nero argued quickly, before things got out of hand and Kyrie made things so much worse than they already were. "I don't even want to be here!"

"That's funny, because you were asking me to use my shower this morning," Tessa said lightly. He curled his lip at her.

"Just think about it?" she pleaded, as he tried and failed to try and get her to back down. "It'd be so great to have a day off sometime, this would be the _best excuse_."

Nero made a pained noise. Tessa didn't exactly know the nature of their relationship, or why Nero even lived in his van when he obviously had a friend he could bunk with, but she sounded like the type to overwork herself for the greater good, and judging by the look on Nero's face, she was right. He shot the camera a flat look. "I'll think about it... if that makes you happy."

"It does!" She shot him a victorious little smile and waved goodbye to him. "Thanks Nero! You're the best."

The phone call ended, and he let his head thump backwards to the wall. "Yeah. Great. Me, fantastic."

"That was painful," Tessa said, a smug look on her face. He kicked his feet up on her coffee table and the look slid off her face immediately. "I'm honestly just surprised you have friends in the first place. She must be a saint."

"You'd be surprised," he said warily, catching the pillow she tossed at him from afar. "What are you doing?"

She turned off some of the lights and went over to the kitchen as her cat snuffled about, mostly at the spot where he dropped his food. "Going to bed. You should too."

"Uhhhh..." He looked over to the door, since that sounded like a clear sign for him to go back down to the van, and nearly missed the blanket hurled at his head a second later. He blinked, and looked over at Tessa who was tiredly rubbing her temples. "What..?"

"Just shut up and go to sleep," she said exhaustedly, turning towards her bedroom. As Nero held the blanket awkwardly in his arms, she said over her shoulder, with actual feeling this time and not for some stupid petty reason, "Sorry I set you on fire tonight. I'm glad you're not extra crispy."

And he was left blinking at her door as she shut it, not sure if he meant it genuinely or if her being a teeny bit nice to him was just going to lead to argument down the road. But he was warm and not sleeping in a van for once, so…

it was something?


	6. Were It Not For The Laws Of This Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nero wastes Tessa's time and both parties contemplate homicide as an option for dealing with unpleasant blackmail-buddies

Nero woke up with a start, something heavy pressing to his chest, in an unfamiliar room. "Wh—what the hell?"

 

The lights flicked on a moment later, followed by the sound of paper crinkling. Nero looked up into the wide calculating eyes of Mr. Snuffles, and not for the first time, considered throwing the demon cat out the window. He groaned, and shoved the stupid hairball off him.

 

"Sign these," Tessa said, patting the forms on her coffee table as she bit into a bagel. Despite the early morning light coming through the window, she was already dressed and in jogging gear, because she was crazy. Absolutely crazy, he rationalized.

 

He rubbed his eyes with his palm and stayed put on her couch. He didn't really remember passing out but he did remember... spaghetti and haircuts and _ shit, _ Kyrie asking to hang out. _ Uuuuugh _ . He'd have to call her back or something and change her mind. Sure, he knew she wasting away on fortuna and was lonely while he was out on the road, but she should honestly have better standards than— _ Nero eyed the blonde as Tessa paced around her apartment doing stretches _ —some people.

 

Maybe the isolation was getting to her. Or... maybe Kyrie just had low standards for company? If Credo was alive he’d probably have an answer to that. Then again maybe Kyrie wouldn't end up so lonely in the first place, but wallowing in what-ifs and self loathing wasn't going to get his car insured now, was it? 

 

Eventually, he pried himself off the upholstery and prodded at the papers she had tossed at him.  _ What, no breakfast? Some hostess _ . "What are these?"

 

"Inswuracwhch pwaprs," she said between bagel bites. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail, and he winced at the sparkly pink scrunchie she used. What was she, five? "You need to transfer me ownership of the van—"

 

He flew off the couch. "What? no way!"

 

Tessa dropped her hands from her hair and finished off the rest of her bagel. "Ywesh way."

 

He made a face and waited for her to stop talking with her mouth full. "I'm not giving you  _ shit _ ."

 

"I thought you knew this was going to work," she said, frustrated. She gestured to the papers. "You'll still be the principal driver, dumbass. It'll just be in my name."

 

He shook his head and headed for the door. "Nuh-uh, no way, not happening."

 

She cursed and followed after him. "On all accounts  _ I’m _ the one who has more to lose in this deal. if you get in another accident _ I'll be the one paying for it _ ."

 

"You're joking, right? You'd be getting  _ ownership _ of  _ my _ van," he stressed, looking down at her.

 

She glared up at him. "Yeah, because that's  _ such _ a prize. Listen, I'm not going to sell it on the black market or anything—"

 

"But you  _ could _ ," he said impatiently, crossing his arms. Unconsciously, he noted that he had slept in his glove overnight and the tips of his nails were starting to cut through the leather. Ugh, freaking demon arm first world problems. "I'm not giving you my van, I need it—"

 

"Yeah you've said that before." She gave him a deadpan stare. "For your devil hunting, right? Can't say I’m surprised— though I took you more for some  _ deadbeat loser with a virgin glove _ for someone actively suicidal, but who am I to say the  _ two don't overlap? _ "

 

Nero's entire face twitched. He could still vividly remember the feeling of a molotov cocktail exploding on his head. Nero reached over to the umbrella stand, not sure if he planning on absorbing Yamato into his arm or attacking her with it. Would Kyrie think poorly of him? yes, but would it make him feel a little bit better? _ absolutely.  _ He settled on just… holding the sword… face still twitching as he did so. "The sword didn't clue you in, princess?"

 

She didn't seem impressed. "Anyone with fifty bucks can buy a katana at a pawn shop, you're not that special."

 

He spluttered. "If this is your sales pitch on why I should give you my van, it's a good thing you're a doctor and not a vacuum salesman."

 

"I'm surprised you even know what that is." She picked at her nails.  "You and your little house could do with a visit from a vacuum salesman."

 

"God you are so—!" He pointed at her and made a strangled noise. Quickly, he realized he was pointing at her with his gloved hand and quickly snacthed it back before she noticed that it came with claws. "UGH!"

 

"Thanks I try." She gestured to the papers again, and pulled a pen out of her pocket, blonde ponytail swishing behind her. The pen was also pink. He looked like it had personally insulted him somehow. "Sign the papers Nero."

 

He refused on principle and nothing more. "No."

 

"Am I going to have to hold your hand and make you sign them myself?" she threatened, and he instinctively took a step back.

 

"N-No! And I'm not giving you my van!"

 

She held the pen like it was a switchblade and she was mugging him. "You're not giving me anything. You're  _ lending _ . I don't want anything to do with you and your little business, I want this over as much as you do."

 

He crossed his arms and glowered down at her. "And after your car's fixed, you're transferring ownership back immediately, right?"

 

" _ Yes _ ." She said it like he was completely clueless. "The sooner the better, and we can go back to never talking to one another ever again."

 

"Good." At least they were in agreement about that at least. Though, it had him thinking. "...you're not actually going to humor Kyrie's request to meet up, are you?"

 

Tessa handed him the pen. "No. why would I?"

 

Something about that rubbed him the wrong way, and he narrowed his eyes at her. "Why, what do you have against getting a free lunch?"

 

"Besides the fact that you'd be there and she thinks we're friends?  _ gee, _ I wonder." 

 

She pushed him back in the direction of the coffee table and all but forcibly sat him down at the coffee table. He found that most of the information was already written out in a blocky, formal scral. Nero took his time reading it all over and she tapped her foot, wishing she was running by now while the rest of her friends... were passed out in the other rooms of the apartment. 

 

"What's taking so long?

 

"I thought doctors couldn't write, but I can actually read this," he said lightly, scanning some boring text about insurance fraud and company values. _ Bla bla bla, boring bureaucrat stuff.  _ It didn't surprise him how she got her hands on something like this—it was like she was born in a cubicle. Maybe her bed was made of tax papers and receipts. Maybe she dreamed of the square root of a circle was, or whatever the hell boring ass people with no lives did.

 

"I'm surprised you can read," she said lightly, in a way that told him she was surely holding back whatever else she was going to say as she tensely watched him twirl the pen in his hand. Making her twitch and wait was honest to god the only way he could get back at her for that virgin comment, and he was going to milk it for what it was worth.

 

He scanned the same paragraph for the third time and leaned back on her couch, contemplating. "That's Interesting."

 

"What? What could possibly be so interesting?" Tessa demanded, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She looked like she wanted to pace but felt it below her station.

 

He gave her a dirty look. "Shhhh, give me a moment to sound out the letters in my head."

 

He brought the pen up to his mouth and hummed for an exorbitant and unnecessary amount of time. Her kitchen clock  _ tick tick ticked _ away, and Tessa grew increasingly twitchy as he wasted more of her jogging time. Honestly, who even wanted to go out running at— _ he took a meandering glance down at his phone _ —seven in the morning?  _ gross. _ What was the point anyway? to sweat and be cold and leered at by creeps who also had nothing better do do in the morning? Maybe Tessa was secretly a freak. Maybe he was depriving her of the only time she ever felt alive. Maybe the only thing in that cold dark heart of hers that could spark joy was more grey and lifeless pavement, the stink of body odor and the knowledge that it brought nothing in the long run because they were all doomed to a short miserable life when the next big bad reared its ugly head—

 

"What the fuck is taking you so long??"

 

Nero shook himself out of his inner monologue. Okay maybe that had gotten a bit dark, maybe he needed a hobby. Maybe if he had his fucking car back things would be better. "This line right here."

 

"What?? what line?" she threw herself onto the couch next to him and yanked the paper out of his hand.

 

"This one right here," he said, pointing to a little scribble at the bottom he had done in pen.

 

She squinted at it. "I can't read your handwriting."

 

"Its as clear to me than anything else I've read," he said lightly, lazily dragging his finger under each of the words for emphasis. "It says you're a bitch."

 

Tessa closed her eyes for a moment, and let the paper slip from her hands. Nero took great satisfaction in watching her go through the five stages of grief as he picked the paper back up. She took in a deep breath. "...I hate you  _ so much _ ."

 

_ Fuck, okay that was pretty worth it _ . Nero tried to bite down on the side of his ceek to keep from laughing at her, but apparently didn't do that great a job because she punched him in the arm a moment later. He shook it off and signed his name at the bottom with a flourish. The whole thing could’ve taken less than thirty seconds, but he had somehow stretched it out for a solid ten minutes.  _ Nice. _

 

"Happy now?"

 

"If I didn't have to clean these carpets I'd slaughter you," she said in a monotone voice, getting up.

 

"Aren't doctors supposed to do no harm?" he called after her, and he could hear her friends groan in the other room, complaining about the volume.

 

"I haven't sworn shit," she said, glaring at him from her kitchen as she tucked the paper somewhere safe. "And that's a myth anyway. I could still  _ gut you _ ."

 

"Legally?" He rolled his eyes. "I'd like to see you try."

 

"Don't tempt me, frosy," she said, gesturing to his hair. Unconsciously, he ran a hand through his shorn hair and glared at her. "I'm sure I could find a loophole somewhere and get off with a slap on the wrist."

 

"Riiiiight."

 

Nero kept his eyes narrowed at her and tapped the edge of her coffee table with Yamato's blade. God, the things he would do if he didn't have that little voice in the back of his head telling him to be a good person.  _ Thanks a lot, Kyrie. _

 

Somewhere off in the kitchen he heard her awful cat making a meowing sound as she refilled its food bowl. Nero made a face. It honestly had one of the ugliest smushed up faces he had ever seen. What was it called again?  _ Muffles? _ "Are you sure that's an actual cat? I'd think twice before feeding things you find on the side of the street."

 

"Mister Snuffles isn't mine, he belongs to my neighbor," she said eventually, taking the scrunchie out of her hair. Apparently he had eaten up all her jobbing time, so she was doing weird... stretches in the kitchen where he couldn't see. Not that'd he want to anyway, obviously. "And he's a persian."

 

" _ Gazuntite _ ."

 

"Persian is a breed—"

 

"Like whole grain?"

 

She poked her head out the kitchen. "No, I mean—"

 

He gave her a flat look. "Do you think I care?"

 

"You asked." she glared at him. "It's not my fault you're an idiot."

 

"Do you actually think I'm being serious right now—"

 

"I don't know, I study headcases for a living. where you ever dropped on your head as a child?"

 

He scoffed. "How would I remember something like that?"

 

She made a dramatic wince as her friends started shuffling around in her bedroom. "Not a very compelling case for you having more than one brain cell then. I diagnose you with  _ dumbass _ ."

 

"You're not even a doctor, get out of here!" He said, waving his sword at her. She snorted and went back in the kitchen.

 

“Do either of you have a volume button?” angelina groaned, pulling herself from the spare bedroom. She looked about as good as anyone who survived a recent demon attack-- that is to say, she looked like an actual walking corpse. “Is anyone here willing to drill a hole in my head? I don’t think advil can get rid of this migraine…. Ow…” 

 

“Boy, the view from this high horse is amazing.  _ I totally told you so, _ ” Tessa said brightly from the kitchen. A moment later she came out with a bright orange drink in her hand, and passed it to her. “Here.” 

 

“Thanks,” she said gratefully, taking a sip. A moment later she was hacking and coughing up the drink into her hands. “What the FUCK is in this orange juice!?” 

 

Tessa gave her a very calm, serene look. “It’s egg.” 

 

“Wh...what?” Angelina blinked, looking down at the cup. 

 

“Just what the doctor ordered,” she said, and Nero had to laugh. 

 

(For a moment, he almost forgot he had just signed his death warrant and been set on fire last night.) 

 

( _ Almost. _ )

 

(He was definitely going to make her pay for that, though.)

  
  



	7. A Gold Star For Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa tries playing nice and Nero regretfully attempts their first Meaningful Conversation

Nero saw it coming this time before it happened.

****

_ WHAM! _

****

"I need a ride."

****

He didn't bother taking out his headphones or hear what Tessa said next as he worked away at beating the level on his game. Protoman was such a pain in the ass to beat every time he did a no powerup run. "Not a chance."

****

_ WHAM, WHAM!  _ "Come on! I even brought you something."

****

If it was another knock to the head he wasn't responsible for how he'd react. "For some reason, that's setting off all the little warning bells off in my head. I'm gunna have to give a hard pass on that, cupcake."

****

He could hear her splutter something unintelligible outside. Sighing, he took out one of his headphones.

****

"—I'm surprised you even have warning bells to begin with!"

****

"You really know how to butter a guy up."  _ Pop, pop, pop, _ his character dashed and shot protoman in the face. It really would do better with something other than the default blaster, but Nero was trying to challenge himself. "How about you go and leave me alone until you have something actually worth my time? go mooch rides off your buddies from the club, I’m  _ busy _ ."

****

"Yeah I can see that," came her muffled reply, and he turned and caught Tessa staring at him though the front windows. He scowled and paused his game when she winked at him.  _ What the hell? _ "And as it turns out, I actually  _ do _ have something you'd be interested in."

****

Nero wasn't going to fall for it. "You brought me a twenty-four pack of twinkies and instant ramen?"

****

She gave him a flat look and motioned to the door. When he groaned and complied, she stared at his nest of fast-food boxes and wrappers with a sad, sad expression on her face. "How are you even alive."

****

"Spite, mostly." He reached over and took a sip from a nearby coke can. It definitely wasn't the same diet coke he had been drinking before, but he didn't want to sit like a chump while she wasted his time. And Nero needed something to potentially throw at her. "What the hell do you want?"

****

She wiggled her fingers dramatically as she pulled something out of her jacket pocket. "Ta- _ daaa~! _ "

****

He stared at the little yellow rectangle. "A sticker."

****

"It's your insurance sticker you  _ dumbass _ ," she groaned, closing her eyes. "Do you have erectile dysfunction of the brain? Jesus christ, I'm trying to make this  _ fun _ ."

****

This time Nero did throw the can at her. Tessa stepped out of the way in time, and raised an eyebrow at him. He glowered at her. "Is insulting me supposed to be part of the fun? because if so I'm having a  _ great _ time."

****

"Glad someone is," she huffed, and looked behind her to the can. "You're gunna pick that up right?"

****

"Are you going to give me my sticker?" he asked, patience running thin. "Maybe an extra gold star for being a champ and putting it in the recycling, too?"

****

She made an offended noise. "Don't make fun of saving the environment, jackass."

****

Nero reached over to take a drink from some other can of half-finished liquid, and tried to make it look casual while he choked down a mouthful of week-old redbull. "Don't tell me you believe in that crap?” He coughed, and swallowed.  _ God, it tasted like battery acid…  _  “T-trust me, you have a lot more to worry about than  _ climate change _ destroying the world."

****

She couldn't exactly argue with that though,  _ ha _ . Score one for him and… near constant world-ending disasters from hell? Whatever, he was still right. Nero watched her lips press into a hard, thin line. "It still matters in the long-run."

****

With great sarcasm, he rolled his eyes and set down his drink.  "Whatever you say, princess."

****

She tried to hide it, but her face twitched ever so slightly. "It's not being a princess if I'm just asking you not to litter."

****

"Sure, yeah, okay." He held his arms up and gestured with his non-gloved hand. "You're gunna give me that sticker, right? I don't have all day."

****

She stared at him. "Pick up the can first."

****

He stared back. "No."

****

"Pick up the can," she said again.

****

His mouth curled into a smile. Totally fake of course, and she knew that. "Didn't you say you needed a ride? What's gunna happen when you're late for your class on tree hugging?"

****

"That's not an actual class and fuck you.” Tessa held the sticker up like his life depended on it, which, really, _ it did, _ but she didn't need to know that. "Pick up the can Nero."

****

"What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of my music," he said, slipping his headphones back on. He paused his game. " _ Bang! bang! bang! pull my _ —"

****

"UGH!!" He glanced over just in time to catch her bending down to pick up the can. Victory never felt more  _ sweet. _ The look on her face when she came back and hurled the can at his head was even more priceless. "I can't win with you!"

****

"Get used to it," he snorted, batting the can out of the way before it hit him straight in the forehead. Her aim was seriously fucked up, and Nero decided he never wanted her to throw anything else at him again. He held out his hand. "Now, sticker please?"

****

"The fact that you said please does not at all reassure me that this is a good idea..." Tessa grimaced. She gave him a pointed stare. "You can’t get in any more accidents while im covering you, you know that? I’m the one who’s going to end up _ paying for it,  _ and _ I’ll skin you alive _ if I get so much as a parking ticket."

****

“I’m an awesome driver,” he scoffed, hand still outstretched. Nero waited. “I can wait here for as long as it takes you know.” 

****

She scowled as she slapped it down into the centre of his palm, and it took him a second to realize it was his gloved one before he pulled away. He shifted uncomfortably as she crossed her arms and looked at the junk in the van (thank god).

****

"Have you ever starred in a season of Hoarders? I think I've seen that episode."

****

He shrugged it off and made his way out of the van and out to the back. "You're gunna have to get used to it if you want a ride."

****

"I'm starting to have second thoughts."

****

_ Damnit _ , his nails were too short to peel off the back of the sticker. Nero struggled not to tear the stupid thing in half before she noticed him missing.

****

"What are you doing?"

****

"Nothing! I'm just—" If he could take off the stupid glove he'd be able to do this, but nooooooooo. He had to blend in and not cause a panic and act normal with his stupid fucking virgin glove.  _ God  _ now even  _ he was calling it that. _ "This is bullshit!"

****

“Quit being a baby, give it to me,” she offered, but he pulled the sticker away from her. 

****

“Not a chance! This is my fight,” he huffed, actually genuinely going at it with his teeth now. This was a matter of  _ pride _ .

****

“Nero I have a _ job _ to go to, would you just—” She ripped the sticker from his mouth and wiped it down the side of her pants. “What are you, a dog? Just take off your glove, for fucks sake.” 

****

He made a dismissive, offhand motion. “Wh… where's the fun in that? You’re just… boring, that's what.” 

****

“ _ Uh-huh _ .” She peeled the back off and bent down to smoothly stick down on the back of his license plate. When she was done, she looked back up at him with a vaguely irritated and impatient expression on her face. “Can we go now?” 

****

“I dunno if you’re allowed, I mean, I'm gunna have to check with my girlfriend if there’s space,” he said airily, rounding the side of the van. 

****

“What.” she followed after him. “Are you talking about.” 

****

He gestured to the sword sitting in the front seat, strapped up and all safe. “I mean you hurt Yamato’s feelings back at the club—as well as my face—and I’ve decided to let that go since I’m such a saint, but see, between you and me, someone around here doesn't like to forgive and forget so easily.” 

****

“You’re still pissed I set you on fire,” she groaned, and moved to open the passenger side door. When she found it to be locked, she pulled the door again and started at him. “Don't be such a baby, let me in.” 

****

"Boy I really hope that's not how you talk to all your patients."

****

Her eyebrow twitched, and she tried the handle again. "It is when mine wear thin."

****

"Funny." He fake-laughed and got behind the wheel. "Well, at least the kids down at the children's hospital won’t be short a clown when you visit."

****

Tessa spluttered something unintelligible and kicked the tire. "You're such an asshole!"

****

"Hey would you—" he grabbed Yamato out of the front seat and unlocked the door. "Quit picking on my tires?? what did they do to deserve this?"

****

"Besides being affiliated with you?" She pulled open the door and slid herself into the chair next to him. "Take a wild guess."

****

He watched as she glanced behind her, looking for where he chucked Yamato and realized he absorbed it back into his arm while he was distracted.  _ Shit _ . He nervously tapped the steering wheel while the engine started up. "You're allergic to rubber."

****

She made a  _ tsk- _ ing noise. "Guess again."

****

"Circles offend you, politically," he tried, pulling out of the parking lot. God it felt so good to be on the road again.

****

"Not even close." She rolled her eyes.

****

"A tire personally killed your parents?" When she was silent he glanced over at her and smirked. "What, did I hit the nail on the head there?"

****

She simply grimaced and clicked her seatbelt in, once, then again. "Turn left on the next street over."

****

"That's no fun," he sighed, turning sharply. Tessa gave him the evil eye and he glanced back over to her. "What?"

****

"Did you just turn without your signal on?"

****

"Maybe?" he shrugged, slowing down as they approached a light. She continued to glare at him, and he groaned. "God, what’s your problem now?"

****

"This is exactly the reason why you totalled my car, you know that right?" She hissed, tightly crossing her arms over her chest. She looked out the window and pursed her lips. "Turn right."

****

He spun the wheel and she gripped onto the armrest. "Can do, your majesty."

****

"Y-You—you're gunna fucking kill someone," she panted. He drove them through a light flashing green to yellow and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Would you slow down???"

****

"How are we gunna make it to wherever you're going?" he asked innocently, slowing down anyway because there was a cop car nearby.

****

"I'm going to end up in the ER no matter what happens, aren't I?" she said weakly, slowly prying her eyes open. For once, Nero noted she was actually, genuinely uncomfortable, and a prolonged silence stretched out.

****

Nero tapped his fingers against the wheel again. He reached over and fiddled with the radio for a moment, but all that came on were commercials and shitty, overplayed pop songs and country, and there was no way in hell he was willing to entertain listening to  _ that. _

****

Tessa remained distant, arms crossed, looking out the window, muttering directions every so often. With a sigh, he turned off the radio.

****

_ Uugggggh, he didn't want to fucking do this _ .

****

"So are you like, an orphan?"

****

"What?" she said with a shock, looking up at him.

****

"The tire thing," he clarified through grit teeth. He wanted nothing more than to hurl himself through the dashboard window to escape a conversation like this, but if Nero had been like, even more douchy than usual, he kinda wanted to know. He took a breath. "Because if you _ are _ —"

****

"No, no—I have an okay relationship with my parents," she said quickly, which only seemed to wind her up even more. Fucking hell.

****

But she had parents, so, congrats?

****

(M….maybe he was projecting a bit...? But  _ Ugh _ , the last person he needed to feel bad for was the person who  _ took his fucking van _ . Screw  _ that noise. _ )

****

He loosed his grip on the steering wheel a tad. "So what gives?"

****

"I don't— _ turn left _ —owe you my life story or anything," Tessa huffed, irritated. He turned, and she gave him a pointed look. "I said turn  _ left _ ."

****

"I know," he said, and pulled into a gas station. Nero left the engine running and kicked open the door, glancing back at her. "Wait here."

****

"What?" she called, flustered and caught off guard. "Where the hell do you think you're  _ going?! _ "

****

He grabbed his wallet from the dashboard and shut the door. "Do I owe you  _ my _ life story?"

****

"I have work to do!" she hissed, undoing her seatbelt. "Get back here!"

****

"I'm getting a slurpee, calm the fuck down," he groaned, and turned his back on her. Honestly if he had to sit through more moping and uncomfortable conversation he at least wanted to have a drink or a bag of chips for the road. Maybe a couple twinkies too?  _ Mm _ , now he was onto something.

****

The front door jingled when he opened it, and he smiled at the cashier as he made his way in, which lasted approximately five seconds before he heard Tessa honking the horn to try and get to him to hurry the hell up.

****

"I don't know who that is," he said to the cashier, looking over the hotbox in the back chock full of nachos. "...do those come with guac?"

****

The horn blared again, and Nero pretended not to hear it.

****

The nachos did, in fact, come with guac.


	8. Bastards And Bikers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the Plot rears its ugly head in full force

He wasn't coming out of the gas station. Tessa dropped her hand from the steering wheel and muttered obscenities at the dashboard. there was an old worn skate sticker of a fish slapped onto where the airbag was supposed to be that read ' _ Don't worry, be happy _ '. The airbag, consequently, had been removed.

 

"I'm going to die here," she said numbly, running a hand through her hair. Nervously, she pulled a hair elastic out of her pocket and wound it up into a bun at the base of her neck. Three minutes passed, and Nero refused to show. She checked her watch; her shift started in fifteen minutes, and they were still eight minutes away from the hospital.

 

Just to be safe, she sent a quick email to her supervisor explaining that she was babysitting her illiterate, crybaby cousin and was going to take a couple more minutes getting to work.

 

She crossed the six-minute mark waiting by tapping an impatient rhythm on the window. Eight minutes in, she finished her fourth tic-tac-toe game against herself. No wins, all losses (It was tough playing a game when you were your own worst enemy).

 

When her legs grew restless, she sighed and climbed into the back of the van to stretch while Nero wasted her time. The van was bigger than she expected—with a working stove and everything. She looked past the garbage and the adult mags— _ gross _ —to the table, where his TV sat, next to that creepy statue he had found who knows where, a cactus, and…

 

Several guns and cases of ammunition.

 

"What are the chances that these were legally obtained," she said cooly, and snapped a quick picture of them for good measure. No sign of the sword he tossed back somewhere into the cabin, but then...  _ hm _ .

 

Maybe he hid it in some secret compartment?

 

The thought of the van having anything else to hide when it was already so... open... about what went on inside, was a chilling thought. She poked her head past the kitchen into where the bedroom was supposed to be and saw a workstation with more weapons before she heard the driver's door opening.  _ Shit _ .

 

"Are you done snooping already? Time to go," Nero said, booting the engine into gear.

 

Tessa hurriedly ran back over to the front seat as he started backing up, and she glared at him. "Did you really have to take so long to prove a point?"

 

"No, but it seems to piss you off, so—" He set down his red and blue Slurpee and popped open his bag of chips. "Dorito?"

 

She looked at him with an empty, dead-eyed expression. "Go to hell."

 

He shrugged and drove out of the gas station while she eyed the rest of the food he had bought. Nachos and Redbull and—was that mountain dew? God, she was feeling sick just looking at it.

 

Tessa buckled herself in and glared down at the innocent little sticker over the airbag and sent a silent prayer to the gods above as he made another turn. Her phone chimed, but it wasn't a sign from a higher power assuring her that she'd survive Nero's crapshoot driving.

 

Angrily, she tapped the keys and wrote a reply.  _ 'Wtf do you mean you can't cover your shift today?' _

Jamie answered back just as fast.  _ 'I've got an appointment to keep. Just do me a solid, ok? I'll pay you back.' _

 

She made a face and didn't answer. What a dick.

 

_ 'Please?'  _ he sent, knowing that she had read his last message. God she really needed to turn off read receipts.

 

_ 'Fine' _ she answered.  _ 'But don't expect me to do this all the time. I hate late shifts.' _

 

_ 'You're the best' _ he said, and then went offline.

 

The van rolled up to the hospital just in time. "Here we go, all in one piece."

 

Tessa frowned at him, nevertheless. "We're not even in the parking lot, drive closer," she gestured.

 

"I'm not parking, this is where you get out," he said with a flat voice. God he really was the worst sometimes. He unlocked her door from his side. "Go on, be free."

 

She curled her lip him. "Gee, thanks."

 

_ Prick. _

 

She grabbed her things and opened the door. Nearly the moment after she got out and moved to close her door, the van sped up and she was left in the parking lot watching him drive off.

 

_ What a jackass. _

 

X

 

When Nero got the notification on his phone, it was already half past six and he was in a nacho-induced haze, but it was fucking worth snapping out of. The job called for twice his usual billing fee, and he was already in the area.

 

"—Nico, I'm telling you that it had a red handle and a—" he pinned his phone between his ear and shoulder as he put his van into gear and cut the engine. "You rev it. No, I’m not going to change which hand im going to rev it with, do you have any idea how hard it is to teach yourself how to write with your  _ bad hand _ ? I’m not ambidextrous by choice. No, this isn't up for debate?? I’m not  _ changing _ —"

 

He could hear her clang around in her workshop some more, clearly unhappy. "See I wouldn't be havin' this problem if you just letmme' stretch my legs sometime. I'm fixin' broken toys and remote controls here when I could be making something great! This is pure wasted potential—"

 

"And fixing my sword doesn't count as something great?" he huffed, grabbing for his weapons in the back. It was already getting dark out, but the warehouse he was set to clear still had lights on. He eyed the place as he loaded his revolver and took stock of what he had. He paused, noting how low he was on ammo. "Hey, do you have any more of those bullets you gave me?"

 

"Not for free," she said flatly. He heard her take a drag from her cigarette and wrinkled his nose instinctively. "Look, I know I'm the best, but I'm no miracle worker. If you want me to rebuild your sword I'm gonna need something with a bit'a substance, you get me? I'm talking internet, wifi, communication with my clients,  _ the outside world _ . My old man might've been a hermit but I don't roll that way."

 

He mulled it over. Letting Nico ride in the van probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Like, yeah it'd be an invasion of his space but she could probably be of some use, honestly. Maybe he could even get her to fix the shower in the van—put her to use making shit for him while he was on the road so he wouldn't have to be so reliant on stealing wifi and siphoning power so he could play mega man on his time off.

 

He finished up inventory and slid his revolver into its holster. "...I'll think about it, but—"

 

"YESS, I knew pitying you would be worth my time!" she cheered, and Nero made a face. "You're none too bad, bud!"

 

"Pitying me?" he said, insulted, but she hung up before he could say another world. He stared at the phone for a moment, before he stuffed it into his pocket. He made his way out the van and towards the warehouse. "God, please don't let this be a waste of  _ my _ time."

 

The place was, thankfully, fucking infested. To the point where he genuinely wondered what the owners were trying to do when he kicked the door down. Ignore it until the problem went away?

 

The whole block was swarming with demons; lower level ones, mind you, but still enough to make him sweat a little while he cleared a path. It seemed like they came out from every corner and dark alleyway. Like they had all decided that knockoff products from China or some shit were suddenly the most important thing in the world, instead of... terrorizing innocent people or something. Didn't make much sense to Nero, but he didn't really have to think about the specifics while he shot through them all.

 

When his pistol ran out of ammo (thanks for fucking nothing, Nico) he summoned Yamato to cut a clean path down by the docking area. Scarecrows and marionettes scuttled around, all trying to take a nice chunk out of him, clacking away as they did—and it was honestly going pretty well, especially with the pay he was going to get when it was done until a noise broke him out of his groove and grabbed his attention.

 

_ The rev of an engine approaching. _

 

He sunk Yamato into the torso of two scarecrows and pushed them into some styrofoam packing. "What the hell?"

 

The marionettes, similarly, turned their heads. Just around the corner, he could see the headlight shining, and the engine cut. Then—

 

"Fucking— _ ugh! _ " Nero covered his nose as two, three— _ four _ smoke grenades were tossed in, smelling worse than he ever imagined, and he dropped his sword as his eyes started to water. "GOD"

 

The demons had it worse. With their big awkward limbs, they fell over each other trying to get away, and the two pinned marionettes all but tore themselves in half trying to escape the green smoke as it filled the warehouse.

 

He coughed, sick to his stomach. It was worse than he had imagined; fresh and burning and like if molten rubber had some sort of sick lovechild with a dying whale carcass.  _ And then gave birth and bottled the placenta and turned it into a perfume _ . Jesus fucking Christ who the hell would do such a thing?

 

Covering his mouth and nose with his hand, he wrenched Yamato free. He blinked through the smoke at a figure dressed in road leathers and a motorcycle helmet. The kind only rich assholes wore, with some stupid circle pattern on the side. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?"

 

They didn't answer, and tossed another stink grenade into another corner of the warehouse.

Nero waved Yamato at them threateningly "Hey! this is my gig, buzz off!"

 

The biker didn't respond, and turned their back on him, pacing down the side of the building.

He pursued them. "Dude, what the hell is your problem? I was here first."

 

All they did was dismissively bat a hand at him like he was just some common annoyance and not a demon hunter in his own right. Was this the prick who had been sniping jobs from him this whole time? With his  _ demon-be-gone grenades _ ? What the hell, man?

 

"Hey, slow the fuck down," Nero said, drawing his pistol on the guy. It was empty, but the douche in dark leathers didn't need to know that. "I'd like to some answers!"

 

The biker stopped when he heard the safety come off Nero's gun. He slowly turned his dark visor over to look at him.

 

_ Silence. _

 

Nero glowered at him. "You gonna say anything, or is that helmet full of more hot air?"

The biker reached up to touch a button on their neck. Their voice was low and gravelly, coming through a radio on the side of their helmet. "Leave."

 

" _ Scuze' _ me? You're gunna have to say that again, see, I've been here clearing up the place for the past hour and a half, my hearing must be going." Nero gestured with his empty gun. "Wanna tell me why you've been doing business on my turf again?"

 

Tall dark and shady wasn't much of a talker, it seemed. Their hands clenched when they saw his weapon. "This place is clear. The job's done."

 

A nerve jumped in Nero's jaw. "Yeah, it's fucking clear, no thanks to you! I was up to my elbows in demon until you showed up!"

 

He shrugged and turned back to his bike. Nero swore and cut him off at the turn before he could take any more of Nero's hard earned cash.

 

"You know they're just going to move onto some other place, right? That car park you cleared— _ if that was you _ ," he said, and now that he could see the dude's bike, it was for sure the one he had seen a couple days ago before the nightclub got attacked. "You're doing a shit job of demon control. Leave this to the  _ professionals _ ."

 

The biker moved to step around him, but Nero got right up in his face. Intimidating assholes who were in over their head was easy when you were six foot five, he scowled down into the guy's reflective visor. It was too dark to make out a face, but he knew vaguely where his eyes were, that was all that really mattered.

 

Nero shoved him in the shoulder. " _ Back off _ ."

 

The biker let himself be shoved, and stayed silent. Something about that pissed Nero off even more. He could still smell the rank of the bombs back in the warehouse, and it made his head spin.

 

"What even are those, anyway?"

 

The biker stepped around him and got on his ride. Nero expected an answer, but none came. Right, not a talker. Ugh, what a  _ fucking night _ . if he couldn't shit talk the demons and he couldn't get this guy to engage in a conversation with him, what was the fucking point?

 

"Hey, I'm talking to you," he said, pushing the guy in the shoulder again with his gloved hand.

 

There was a split second where he saw the flash in the guy's visor, a second where he saw the guy move, and then another when something hard was shoved into his ribs, but it happened fast. His head was already spinning from the fumes and there was something—just a little lingering demonic vibe under his hand when he made contact with the biker's shoulder—but all thoughts promptly left his mind when Nero got  _ fucking tasered. _

 

His hand clamped down on the guy's shoulder and demon-claws ripped into the fabric, but the bike started up, knocking his hand off a moment later. Nero grunted, air ripped from his lungs, and he went down on one knee. It didn’t feel like a _ normal human taser, _ it felt like a lightning strike straight to the gut. Like a cattle prod attached to jumper cables. A weapon made for demon hunting, but turned on him instead.  _ Who the fuck was that guy? _

 

With a final blast of exhaust, Nero was left wheezing and watching the guy ride off, with a warehouse full of smoke and Nero's payday effectively smashed to pieces.

 

He cursed and clutched his ribs as he got to his feet, really wishing he had saved an extra couple bucks for bullets instead of buying those nachos now.

 

...Maybe letting Nico be his backup wasn't be such a bad idea after all.

  
  



	9. Packed Peas n’ Tater Tots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our characters have three very riveting phonecalls and the author drops the cloak and dagger mystery like a hot potato to keep the plot running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why I'm feeling self-conscious about this chapter specifically, maybe its because a large bit of the plot is revealed or maybe I'm just being overly nitpicky. EITHER WAY, I just wanna thank you all for all the wonderful comments and feedback I've gotten, I can't always get to them all but you've made the end of my school year so much more bearable, thank you for sticking with me! it really means a lot <3

"Nico I'll let you do whatever the hell you want over here if you can tell me what this patch is supposed to mean," Nero said, impatiently staring at his phone screen.

****

“Promises promises…” The gunsmith shook her head and wrote down another series of notes on a thin sheet of plywood, like a caveman or something. "I'm more interested in that spray he used. You said it was in grenade form???"

****

They had already gone over this. Nero was _ beyond _ giving her another play by play of what happened, and leaned back on his couch with a pack of iced peas on his ribs. It was the only time he was going to make use of them anyway. "Do you not have paper or something to write this down?"

****

"Focus. Grenades. Color?"

****

"Green," he sighed, and shifted a bit to get more comfortable. He held up the patch he tore off the guy's shoulder and shoved it into the camera. "You know the city better than me. Don't tell me there's some cult or gang running around calling themselves humanities  _ next greatest saviours _ , I'm  _ so _ done with that shit."

****

"There's always some gang or cult somewhere," she snorted, and continued to scribble away.  He made an unhappy grunt and she glanced up and gave the patch a once-over. "What're you even gunna do if you track down this guy? Feed him his teeth for roughing you up a little?"

****

"Yes...? That's exactly the plan," He said, and then winced because  _ ooh, cold peas on his stomach. _ "Maybe I could even get him to explain his little demon spray while I'm at it. Just for you, of course."

****

"God, you know how to make a girl happy. It’s gotta be some sort of custom made…  _ something _ . The work of a  _ real artist, _ " she sighed dreamily, and Nero made a face at the camera. When he cleared his throat and gestured with the patch again, Nico reached over and grabbed a pad of paper, proving that she had just been drawing on wood for the aesthetic after all. "Okay, there's like, a million gangs in Inferno city that use patches like that  _ alone. _ Outside of that—I’d have to start chargin’ you or something. "

****

Nero grimaced. “Then tell me about the ones in  _ this city. _ ”

****

“What, am I your walking encyclopedia?” she said, dismayed. “Where’s your  _ world experience _ , man—? it’s not like its hard to find trouble in the big city, though, as far as locations go, Inferno’s got it made. Crooks, thieves, unsavory sorts, excetera excetera… I'm surprised this is the first time you’ve had any trouble.” 

****

“I mean, not really. I do get shot at every so often…” Honestly, it was kind of the reason why he liked parking behind Tessa’s building for so long.  _ It was relatively safe. _ “How many pricks out there have enough of an ego to make their own girl guide patches, though?” 

****

“....You really are green as a gourd, ain't ya?” she said, after a pause. He could hear her accent getting thicker and be braced himself for the worst. “Every boot in the big city worth his salt thinks the sun come up just to hear him  _ crow. _ _ ” _

****

Nero stared out the window for a very long, hard time.The streetlight down the road flickered on and off, and he was convinced that it only did that while he was watching.  “What… the fuck... does that _ even mean. _ ”

****

Nico cleared her throat. “I’ll dumb it down for you. What I mean is, men be stupid,  _ stupid _ .” 

****

He closed his eyes in pain—not for his stomach, thankfully, (that had healed up long ago, he was just moping now) but for… all the  _ country  _ he’d have to be subjected to in the future, if Nico really did end up tagging along. God, it’d be almost as bad as Dante travelling with him, and it had been  _ enough _ when Dante had given him the sign and set him up with the side business...  Honestly, if Nero had learned anything since leaving Fortuna, it was that  _ some people _ really had to be dealt with in small doses. 

****

Nero turned the patch over between his thumb and forefinger a couple times as he thought. "Look, how hard is it to pin down a symbol like this? Three circles and a line down the centre. They could’ve bought it off of Etsy or gotten their  _ grandma _ to sew it, someone knows  _ something _ ."

****

Nico pursed her lips, glancing up at the tiny phone camera. "You wanna kick their ass that bad, huh?"

****

“I’m late sending Kyrie my last paycheck. She and the rest of the kids at the orphanage need it more than I do…” Nero was silent for a moment, then took the peas off his stomach. Down the road he could see a bus come to a stop. The street lamp above refused to flicker as a blonde figure stepped out, and Nero sighed as Tessa made her way to her apartment. "...And I finished my game, I have like, nothing else better to do with my time."

****

"Riiiight," she said, and he heard her chair squeak as she rolled through her workshop. "What model of car was it again you wanted me to work on? You did mention that at some point, right? I could do with some more intel if it's actually like, a  _ priority _ -"

****

Tessa made her way to the parking lot looking rumpled and tired looking, clutching her bag as she made her way home after her late hospital shift. Nero watched her pause and regard his van for a prolonged amount of time as she reached to grab her keys. She threw a series of curses at him and _ his van _ as Nico said something over the phone, but he honestly could barely hear what the gunsmith said next because he was too busy developing the  _ perfect retort _ to put the blonde in her place. _ No way _ he could take an opportunity like  _ that _ laying down. 

****

He pulled himself off the couch. "Hey I gotta go..."

****

"What? No, wait hold your horses-"

****

" _ I’ve got a uhhh— _ " He watched as Tessa made her way past the van and hopped over a an empty carton of milk to the door. “—Angry bear to poke with a very sharp stick.”

****

_ “ _ Are you serious?  _ Wait what about the ca—” _

****

_ “Later!” Click. _

****

Still holding the bag of peas, he swung open the side door.

****

"I happen to think of her less of a death trap and more of death on wheels, _ thanks _ ."  _ (Nice, nailed it.)  _

****

She jumped, holding tightly onto her keys in the dark parking lot. "Nero what the fuck! don't jump out like that,  _ jesus _ ."

****

He gave her a bland look, holding his peas in one hand. They had gotten pretty mushy since taking them out of the mini fridge. "Where else were you expecting me to jump out?” 

****

“Maybe a box, like one of those wind-up toys,” she huffed, looking especially ruffled. He noted that she still had a tight grip on her keys, and that she was staring at what he had in his hand. “...are you feeling alright?” 

****

“Damn, is that  _ concern _ in your voice? Maybe I should call a _ docto _ r,” he said, shaking his head at her. “A  _ real  _ one, because  _ y’know, you haven't— _ ” 

****

“Yeah,  _ I know, shut up, _ ” she said briskly, turning to her apartment. Tessa made it a couple steps before she turned back to him, against her better nature. “...you know, I didn't even think you knew what peas were, let alone  _ have  _ any.” 

****

“Is that what these are? Gross.” Nero threw the bag over his shoulder, and ignored the wet splat they made when they connected with the floor. He'd pay for that later, but now—“say, you're local, right?”

****

“I’d like to think so,” she said flatly. 

****

He leaned on the side of the van. “So you must know something about the kind of people who run around here. The  _ bad  _ sort.”

****

“You mean the kinda assholes who drive around like they own the place, with guns and weapons and stuff?” 

****

Nero snapped his finger. “Yes, exactly.”

****

She frowned. “I only know one person who fits that description. I could give you a description. He's got an abnormally big head,  _ white hair— _ ” 

****

“Ha-ha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes and pulled the circular patch out from his pocket and held it up for her to see. “Know of any other assholes who run around with this patch?”

****

She barely seemed to glance at it for more than a second, but he caught the subtle shift in her demandor, tenser than before. Her hands clenched at her sides. “Why, is it getting lonely in that big old van of yours? Are you actually _ looking _ for trouble now? Wow, here I thought you couldn't sink any lower—” 

****

“Oh trust me, I can sink a lot lower,” he said, and stuffed the patch back into his pocket. “This is like, _ nothing. _ ” 

****

Tessa raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that something to be gloating about?” 

****

“Yes? No.” God he couldn't even provoke her without suffering some sort of consequence. He should've known better.   

****

“Then what's the problem?”

****

“ _ Nothing, _ ” he groaned, thumping his head back against the van. What was the point in talking to her again? Did he even enjoy annoying her when she made it such a pain in the ass? 

****

She let it drop and shook her head. “Whatever. I only just moved here a couple years ago anyway for my doctorate, you’d be better off asking someone else.”

****

He gave her a sharp look. “You could've started with that!”

****

She made a face at him. “Hey, before getting angry at me, have you considered going to other sources of information, like,  _ the public library _ , or  _ the internet?” _

****

Honestly? No, he hadn't considered that. But  _ eugh, _ Nero wasn't a  _ research  _ kinda person. 

****

“Obviously,” he scoffed, looking at her like he totally  _ had _ , though. 

****

She didn't seem convinced and rubbed her temples, looking especially tired. “Right. Okay. Have fun in your van, I'm going inside. I had to glue a guy’s finger back on at work, I don't need to trade more blows with you.” 

****

Nero shrugged and let her walk a ways, turning back to his van as well, before he called, “Which finger was it?”

****

“Guess,” she said, and flipped him off, walking backwards towards her door. 

****

He rolled his eyes, almost amused by her antics. You know, if she wasn’t the  _ actual worst.  _ “Okay fine, whatever.  _ Some help you were _ .” 

****

Tessa narrowed her eyes at him from afar, and seemed ready to write him off as she turned to the door, but her eyes caught something else on the van’s windshield. “Is that a fucking parking ticket under your wiper?” 

He glanced over and plucked the slip of paper out with his gloved hand. 

****

“What, this?” He tore it in half and stuffed it into his pocket, next to the patch. “No…?” 

****

She looked at him uncomprehendingly for a long, hard moment, and then shook her head. “You’re right, it was probably nothing—” 

****

_ Phew.  _ Nero let out a breath. “ _ Right _ … _! _ ” 

****

“You  _ fucking _ —” she balled up her keys in her hand and flung them as hard as she could at his head. “Piss poor parking _ idiot! _ ” 

****

Nero ducked in time made a sour face. Maybe he had been better off staying in the van after all. Poking a sleeping bear only had one course of action, after all. 

****

“Get back here—SHOW ME THE TICKET!” 

****

Nero hopped back in his van and shut the door behind him before he ended up getting mauled. One of these days you’d think he’d actually learn his lesson, right? 

****

X

****

“Angelina I'm fucked.”

****

“Wow, so things are going better for you and what's-his-name better than I expected—”

****

“What? No-  _ god no, worse.” _

****

_ “ _ That's a shame, I thought you two really hit it off on Friday.”

****

Tessa stared at her phone for a long, hard moment. “Tell me, was that before or after I set him on fire, Angie? I'd really like to know.” 

****

“Well I mean-”

****

“I SET HIM ON FIRE, ANGELINA.” She took a deep breath. “ _ And he ruined my car!” _

****

“Then you're about even, right?” There was the sound of a tiny dog barking in the background and Tessa guessed that Angie was probably at her sister’s house. “Come on, I don't think I've ever seen you argue so much with another person before, don't deny that there's  _ sparks _ .”

****

“Yeah sure, on his head, when the glass shattered,” she laughed, slightly unhinged. God she was losing her fucking mind with this whole situation going. Where was the order? The civility? Honest to god at some point she was going to snap. Maybe she already kinda had. “No, seriously, I need you to stop joking around,  _ I fucked up _ .” 

****

She sighed, and Tessa could hear her sitting up and the creak in her mattress. “Okay, fine, I'm being serious now, what's up?”

****

“I…” she couldn't actually believe she had to say it out loud. Of all the fucking things she had done in her life— _ and this week alone... _

****

“Come on, I'm missing desperate housewives right now.”

****

What was it about him specifically that set her off like some sort of rabid animal? Had her civility somehow been lost along with her nissan? Her last shred of patience and dignity? Did she have to go for the throat every time they crossed paths? Was this his plan all along, to provoke her into her losing her goddamn mind? 

****

She hated the fact that it was  _ working _ . Now she was just as bad as  _ he was.  _

****

“...I  _ maybe  _ tasered him.”

****

The phone was silent for a moment. “Just maybe?”

****

“No, I  _ definitely positively tasered him. _ ..” Tessa covered her face with her hands. “It wasn't my fault.” 

****

“...did you like, trip? If it wasn't our fault, how do you  _ accidentally  _ taser someone. I thought you were the responsible one??”

****

“No, Angie,  _ I am _ , it's just that  _ Jamie _ messaged me and asked me to cover his shift and-”

****

“So you  _ are  _ talking with him again, without my messing?” She asked with great interest. 

****

“Can we please focus on the tasering,” Tessa whined. 

****

“Okay sure, you have my full attention. Let’s start with:  _ why _ ??” 

****

“I was doing the rounds. The warehouse down by the south end was full up, I guess we both saw the job opening around the same time but he got there first and he  _ maybe threatened _ me with a gun.”

****

She went silent again. “Like in a maybe  _ ‘definitely’  _ sorta way or a maybe ‘ _ I’m not sure but it was gun-shaped and I panicked _ ’ way.” 

****

“It was one of the guns from inside the van, I have a picture of it and everything,” she muttered, and then sent the photo over. She closed her eyes as angelina let out a series of low curses, and then continued. “All in all, I think I handled the situation pretty well.” 

****

“Do you want me to come over there and kill him for you? Because if you do—” 

****

“NO!” Tessa nearly dropped her bag of food on the floor. The plastic crunched under her hand, and she quickly opened it and dumped the contents into the microwave. “I don’t even think he knows it was me, I was wearing my helmet.”  

****

“Then what's the problem? Are you uncomfortable with him being out there now?  _ We could get rid of him for you,  _ Tess—” 

****

“No, no, look, everything is fine, I can handle him on my own, it’s just…” Tessa rubbed her forehead and punched in the cook time for her supper. “He ripped off my patch and asked me _ to my face _ what it meant.” 

****

“...what did you tell him?” 

****

She sighed. “I told him to go to the library and look it up.” 

****

“Are you _ serious?! _ ” Angelina exclaimed, and Tessa waited a full five seconds with her hand over the receiver until she was sure her laughing stopped. “YOU TOLD HIM TO WHAT??? _ Oh my god _ —” 

****

“It’s really not that funny,” she said, pained. 

****

“NOT THAT FUNNY?” Angie struggled to catch her breath. “You should've just told him to go to the  _ hospital instead. _ Jesus christ Tessa, why don't you just go out and taze him again for good measure with your helmet off—what were you thinking??” 

****

“I was  _ thinking _ —” behind her the microwave beeped, and she pulled her food out with bunny-shaped oven mitts. “About how  _ demeaning _ he was, and how he kept  _ pushing me _ , and how it made me _ so angry I just— _ he had a gun, he’s just so aggravating, Angie, I wasn’t thinking because I wanted to kick his stupid face in.” She stopped to stab at her food and take a bite, but... “ _ Fuck this is too hot _ — _! _ ” 

****

“You’re tellin’ me,” Angelina sighed. 

****

She spat her food out in the sink and put the phone on the counter. “NO,  _ I mean my tots _ .” 

****

“Oh god, are you really feeling that guilty about tasering him? You can just stop your shifts in the area, you don’t have to resort to stress eating again. Remember how horrible you felt after?” 

****

“It tastes good, shut up,” she whined, nursing a cup of cold water. “And I won’t stop doing my rounds. We need to keep testing the spray—you know how much this research could be, and it  _ works, _ we just have to keep refining it.” 

****

“And better organize ourselves…” Angelina sighed heavily. “After the club, and all…” 

****

“I’m not going to make a mistake like that again.” Tessa set down her cup. “Nobody died, but what happened there is on me, I should've been better prepared—” 

****

“What? No, we’re not doing this again Tessa, we agreed, it was all of our faults—” 

****

“Then we _ all  _ have to do better,” she said, stabbing another tot with her fork. “Which means I’m not going to just avoid working just because some demon hunter gets in my way. It was my  _ spot _ first, he has absolutely  _ no right _ to come and lay claim like he did.” 

****

“Wait, spot? Like your—” 

****

“And you know what else? I was freaking polite about it when we ran into each other. I told him the place was clear, I did  _ my job. _ I wrote him a note, and what did that get me?” 

****

“You wrote a note?? when?” 

****

“It got me nothing, Angie. It got me one less of a parking spot, a wreck of a car, a _fucking parking ticket_ and some empty words. If he thinks he can lay claim to whatever place he plants his stupid feet, then I’ll give him the turf war he’s looking for. I may have tasered him and set his hair on fire and _blackmailed him_ into something he _really didn’t feel like doing_ —” 

****

“You what?!” 

****

“But I’ve been  _ nice about it _ . And isn’t that what’s most important?” 

****

The phone was quiet for a long time, and Tessa looked at the screen. 

****

”Are you still there?”

****

“....yeah, and can I just say, I have a lot of questions right now,” she began, just as another caller ID showed up, phoning. “Most of all I’m just wondering if you’re handling things well, like, if this is just a catalyst for something bigger. Should I call a psychiatrist? Would it be weird if I recommended you to that shrink I hooked up with last summer?” 

****

She considered it, stabbing at her tots with a heavy hand. Obviously she wasn’t having a  _ breakdown _ . That would be _ crazy _ . “I don’t need  _ help,  _ Angie. I can handle things on my own  _ just fine _ .” 

****

“Oh, of course… how could I be so blind.” Angelina waited a good moment before she tried again, voice heavy with concern this time. The phone buzzed again. “Tessa, be honest, are you _really_ _okay_?” 

****

“I’m perfectly fine why are you even asking?” Tessa said, smiling, and stared at the incoming phone number. “I’ll call you later, alright?” 

****

“Right….” her friend said, not quite believing her. “Try not to overdo it on the tots...” 

****

“You know me; responsible,  _ in control. _ ” She cancelled the call and stuffed another potato in her mouth. God it felt so good to eat crummy food after nothing but health shakes and rabbit food. She took a steadying breath and answered the incoming phone call. “Hello?” 

****

The voice on the other end was male, smoother than expected, and not at all what she was expecting at eleven thirty at night. “You wouldn’t happen to be the new owner of a shiny new van, would you?” 

****

She chewed her food and leaned back onto her kitchen counter. “Depends who’s asking.” 

****

“Well, as the _ company owner  _ of said shiny new van, I think I’m entitled to a couple questions.” Tessa pursed her lips and wondered if she was being prank-called. “The name’s _ Dante _ , I think we have a small conflict of interest here.” 

****

Great, like her night couldn’t get any worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOON


	10. Feat. Dante From The Devil May Cry Series

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Dante finally shows up for like, a single cup of coffee and doesn't help things at all, and Tessa has another tango with Nero, and it ends just about as well as before. 
> 
> In fact, even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was a very important date for devil may cry so I couldn't not update, though I wanted to extend the Dante scene more, I have like half an hour left before its not April 30th so rest assured that Dante will be showing up more in the future because he's literally the best. 
> 
> anyway, now i have 27 minutes left... happy arm removal day nero!! whoo!! 🎉🎉🎈🎊🎈💃💃🎈🎈💪and happy update!
> 
> (and happy birthday V!)

It was a company car. _ Of course it was _ . Every little win somehow had to have strings attached, how did she not see this coming?

****

The cafe they met up in the following morning was out of the way and relatively empty, save for a few early-morning stragglers. Tessa had to get to class at ten, and it was only a couple blocks away from campus, which made it a good location for a meetup. She ordered a plain black coffee for herself and waited for him to arrive, lightly thumbing through a book on Mycology For The Human Body. 

****

She barely even had to look up from her book to spot him, the senior devil hunter was like a walking traffic cone. Those that noticed him in the cafe either turned and stared at him and his giant douchebag coat ( _ just like his protege, ugh... _ ) or avoided eye contact with him completely as he sat himself down on the stool opposite to her. 

****

He had a pair of sunglasses on, and the smell of listerine and whisky burnt her nose. “Do you have any idea who I had to kill to get here this early?” 

****

Tessa gave him a reproachful look, and blew on her cup of coffee, afraid to know the answer. “No.” 

****

“It was me, sweetheart, and don’t you ever expect me to see me in the AM unless something truly awful’s happening.” He leaned his elbow on the table and his shades slid down his nose. “Then again, being awake this hour might just count.” 

****

“Are you… hungover?” Tessa wrinkled her nose as his breath. “Do you want some advil or something?” 

****

He didn’t even seem to hear her. “Do they sell cake pops over there? I’ll take, like, two.” 

****

She ground her teeth together and shut her book. “You’re here about the van, right? Let’s talk about the van.” 

****

“Sure, okay, whatever,” he said, waving a hand at her. Without warning he reached over and took her cup of coffee right out of her hand and took a sip. He winced. “No sugar?” 

****

“That—you just—” honestly Tessa didn’t even know what to say. The gall on this one? The fucking nerve? “My… coffee?” 

****

“Is  _ bitter. _ I pictured you more as a latte kinda person,” he shrugged, took another sip, and winced again. 

****

“If you don’t even like it why are you still drinking it??” she snapped, and made a move to grab it from him. He held the cup out of her grasp and she wanted to set him on fire with her eyes. “God, you’re even worse than  _ he is _ . Do you want me to get you a drink?” 

****

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, and relinquished her coffee to her. “ Caramel Frap, extra foam and sprinkles, if you could.” 

****

“If I  _ could, _ ” she grunted, and got up from her chair. 

****

When she got back, his feet were propped up on the table and he was thumbing through her book with his dirty fingers, leaving horrible smudges on all the clean white pages. She tossed a cake pop at his head and he caught it without looking. 

****

“This is the driest brick I think I’ve ever seen in my life.” He stuck the cake pop in his mouth and gestured for her to hand him his frap. When she stood there and stared at him, he glanced over at her under his sunglasses. “How in the world did you swindle Nero into handing over the van? You’re like if… barbie and ken had a baby after really boring library bathroom sex. Are you wearing a sweater vest under that jacket?” 

****

Slightly self conscious, Tessa sat herself back down and knit her fingers together in front of her to hide the fact that… he was right. “Mr. Dante, I’m here for business.” 

****

“Yeah, I get it,  _ legally blonde _ , I was just saying—” 

****

“He wrecked my car!” She said angrily, and  _ that   _ finally got his attention. His sunglasses slid down the bridge of his nose, and he made a ‘ _ go on’  _ gesture with his eyebrows. She frowned, and traded his foamy latte for her poor book before it was too late. “He  _ totally  _ crunched it. We made a deal—”

****

He rolled his eyes. “So he just gave the van to you…? What a  _ dumbass _ .”

****

“To be perfectly fair…” Tess didn't know why she felt like defending him, even though she agreed with Dante. Nero not being here to defend himself while they talked shit about him felt... kinda wrong… for some reason. “We were both in a tight spot.”

****

“Is _ that  _ so?” 

****

She caught the amused glint in his eye and curled her lip. “ _ Figuratively _ . I need a way to get to class.” 

****

“And taxis won't work because…?”

****

“Mr Dante, I don't know how you demon hunters get by, but after a while things  _ add up.  _ I'm saving all I can just to finish med school. Do you have any idea how much tuition costs? How much they billed me for this one book?” She hefted it up for emphasis, and he regarded the book with even more distaste than before. 

****

“Probably enough to pay for plumbing...” he muttered under his breath, rolling his drink between his hands. She noted this his gloves were nearly splitting at the seams, they were so worn. And then her eyes settled on his red leather duster, which was probably better taken care of than his health. He took the cake pop stick out of his mouth, and without really checking, tossed it across the room into the trash. “ _ Whatever _ . But girly? you’ve gotta quit calling me  _ mister _ , that makes me sound like I'm somebody’s dad.” 

****

“Only if you don't call me girlie,” she said, and they narrowed their eyes at each other for a long moment, in a silent standoff. She then watched him take his whole hot cup of coffee and down it one go, like some sort of  _ animal _ , and she immediately broke.  _ Who the fuck was this guy??  _ “Okay, look, I'm sorry for the trouble—I'm just trying to get by.”

****

Dante coughed and pounded his chest, after  _ surely  _ just giving his throat the worst case of third degree burns ever, and then nodded. “Y-yeah sure, aren't we all?”

****

She listened to his coughing and closed her eyes, trying not to get secondhand embarrassment from how much of a moron he apparently was. But downing a whole cup of hot coffee  _ had  _ worked as an intimidation tactic, so Tessa gave him some credit. She was  _ genuinely intimidated.  _ “S-so, uh, you want me to transfer ownership back to Nero, right?”

****

“What? no—” he coughed again, and finally seemed to shake off the effects of his little stunt. Tessa had no idea  _ how _ , of course, he should've been screaming in pain by now, asking for an ice pack for his throat. “I don't give a shit about the paper side of it, do whatever, tell me though... how's the kid handling things?”

****

She blinked. “...what?”

****

Dante tried to lean back in his chair to look cool and detached, but that really didn't hide the fact that he had apparently set this whole meeting up for idle chit chat. “Nero. How's he handling the big city?” 

****

“He… fine? What...” Tessa stared at him, struggling to piece together what the hell was going on right now. “I'm sorry, are you telling me that you're just here to talk about your—what is he, your son? Grankid? What the hell is going on?? Why don't you  _ ask him yourself? _ ”

****

He put a hand up like she had just accused him of something. “Where's the fun in that? Come on Barbie, chill.”

****

“Don't call me that,  _ old man _ , I've had enough to deal with your  _ kid  _ than I need in a lifetime!” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest like a petulant child. 

****

The change in his face was subtle, but a smirk spread out on his face, and he clicked his tongue at her. “Wow it’s like im seeing double.” 

****

She felt like she had just been slapped in the face, and stood up form her chair. “What the hell does that supposed to mean!?”

****

_ “It means--”  _ Donate looked over as several other people in the cafe sent them fearful glances. He sighed, and expertly tossed his coffee cup into a nearby garbage can. Even hungover, he somehow had _ perfect aim.  _ “Forget it, kid. I like you _ , _ keep being a pain in the ass for me, would ya? Favor for a favor.” 

****

“Wh- who even says that??” Tessa watched him as he got up from his chair, leather duster swishing behind him. “Where are you going?”

****

“I'm a big boy, I can come and go as I please,” he said coyly, reaching over to the cake pop stand to swipe another as the clerk hastily avoided eye contact with him. He turned his back on Tessa and saluted her over his shoulder. “Keep the roads safe, would’ya? I’ll keep in touch.” 

****

Tessa felt like chucking her book at his head as he walked out of the shop, but thought better of it as she smoothed the pages down and listened to the sound of the door shut. If Nero had to deal with  _ that  _ on the regular… well, it was a wonder he turned out the way he did. The apple didn't seem to fall far from the tree… whatever tree that was. 

****

Seriously, who the hell was that guy?

****

X 

****

Tessa was apparently destined be plagued by mouthy annoying hunters that day. 

****

As she made her way through an old clothes shop, she spotted him over by a mannequin display, and Tessa honest to god had to take a second look, just to make sure she wasn't  _ that unlucky.  _ It was the fifth location of the night, and the shop was a regular on her spray-list that she frequented, because the compound they were testing didn't have as long lasting effects as they would've liked. It needed more than one application to really do a good job at driving away the demons, and she had  _ hoped  _ that she wouldn't end up running into any trouble. 

****

But Tessa should've known that she'd be damned no matter what she did. 

****

“Aha!” She heard him react across the room and tried to finish her job before he could fuck things up. She heard his boot-steps approaching. “You've got  _ balls _ , you know that?”

****

Jesus Christ, if she could just get through this encounter without tasering him she'd be  _ so _ thankful. 

****

“Where do you think you're going, asshole?” 

****

Tessa took a hard left down a corridor and pulled out another three canisters, chucking them into side rooms, where the shadows scurried and hissed at her. She'd have to come back in a day to grab the cans—leaving the place in even more disarray wasn't what she came to do (and littering was bad for the environment). 

****

She stopped when he shot at a spot over her shoulder, and she turned her helmet towards him, finally.  _ What a Douchebag.  _

****

Nero lowered his gun a tad, and regarded her with a cool expression. He'd only just showed up, so she figured he had less time to get pissed at her than last time. “If you think I'm just gunna let you run away again, you've got another thing coming. Start talking, patchy, I don't have all day.” 

****

Her face twitched. Sewing her jacket back together had taken her a good part of the day, and she  _ wanted  _ that patch back. Despite her better thinking, she pressed the button on her neck to speak. “ _ It's night. _ ” 

****

He didn't seem impressed. “ _ Whatever.” _

****

Amongst the racks of women’s clothing they stared each other down. For the first time in a while, she felt genuinely apprehensive of him and what he might do. She glanced at his gun. Besides her taser, she didn't actually have much in the form of weaponry. 

****

Tessa watched him wince, distracted, as green smoke spilled out of the side room. Funny, the compound was supposed to be odourless to humans. Maybe they needed to fine-tune some more? He could have a citrus allergy or something, they had to account for that in the future. 

****

“ _ God it’s like the inside of a cow! _ ” he coughed, and waved his hand in front of his face. She noted that it was his gloved one, since the leather seemed too tough for him to pull the trigger. She couldn't make visual on his sword though — had he come without it? “ _ Answer me this time _ , what the hell did you put in that?”

****

Seeing as how he really just wanted to intimidate her into giving him bounties, she elected not to reply. Besides, the structure of the compound was going to be her grad thesis, and  _ hopefully  _ published in a paper in the near future. He could read about in science monthly or something. Let him wonder in the meantime. 

****

“It's like talking to a brick wall,” he groaned, lowering the pistol more. She shifted her stance a tad, and he brought it back up, like Tessa was going to tackle him or something. She had better things to  _ do.  _ “Patchy, let me be clear, we need to stop crossing paths—” 

****

To their left, a shadow lunged out from under some summer dresses, and they both moved. Tessa rolled behind a display of mannequins just as Nero fired. Her view was obscured by plastic legs as she pulled out her baton, and by the time she got to her feet, more shadows had joined in, and there was a flurry of movement and property damage. 

****

Tessa cursed, quietly, as clothing ripped and merchandise scattered. Getting rid of the demons was supposed to  _ prevent  _ shit like this happening, but the stupid demon hunter was just as bad as  _ them.  _ She clubbed a shadow in the face just as one tried to lunge at her from the side, and caught a flash of light in her visor just as she turned to glance at how Nero was doing. 

****

The sword— _ Yamato _ — summoned to his hand out of thin air. He cleaved a demon in half and turned to her. “Don't think you're getting out of this!”

****

She definitely was.  _ Fucking magic swords _ , Tessa should've known better than to think he carried that thing around for kicks,  _ Jesus Christ.  _

****

She stepped around a demon as it got in between them both, ready to make her escape, before she heard another shot. This time it wasn't aimed at the demons—or okay, maybe it  _ was, but that wasn't where it ended.  _ The bullet went right through the chest of the demon between them, but it  _ caught Tessa’s shoulder _ , and she stumbled back in shock. 

****

Nero seemed equally surprised, and blinked at her as she pulled her hand away from her shoulder and found blood on her gloves. 

****

That  _ bitch… just shot her! _

****

Nero pushed off a couple demon trying to dogpile him, and distractedly swung his word at them. “That's what you get for running!”

****

Tessa pressed the communicator on her neck, and the static crackled as she shouted at him at full volume. “ _ You wanTED ME GONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!” _

****

She pulled out one of her smoke grenades and chucked it  _ directly at his head.  _ It caught him in the temple, and the demons scattered. Her  _ arm fucking ached.  _ Blood ran down her elbow onto the floor. She had to ditch this place. 

****

“Ow! Fuck-- _ would you-- _ ” He let out an outraged noise as smoke blasted him in the face and the demons scattered. “God damnit!” 

****

Tessa turned and kicked open the back door while Nero was distracted and coughing, and caught the sound of more gunfire sounding in the building. A bullet missed its intended demon target and hit a pile of boxes to her left, and she  _ almost turned around to go kick his ass _ , but the pain in her shoulder kept her going. 

****

With a kick, her bike started up and she left the scene in more disarray then when it started. A chip on her shoulder, the score  _ definitely unsettled _ , and a  _ fucking bullet in her shoulder.  _

****

Nero was going to  _ pay for this.  _

****

She just had to figure out  _ how _ , without blowing her cover. 


	11. Literally Nobody Asked For This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tessa gets patched up a bit by a friend, a plot point makes its appearance, and Kyrie really tries to make Tessa and Nero act like normal human beings

“It was shallow, but I think you’ll live.”

****

“Damn. Here I was hoping for an early death.” 

****

Maxwell snipped the last of her stitches and started putting away his tools. 

****

“You know, asking one of us to join you wouldn't be the end of the world. Might I remind you that  _ teamwork  _ exists,” he said casually. 

****

Tessa pulled out a fresh bandage and started fumbling one-handed with the medical tape. “You have your own rounds to do in the city. I can't just ask you to abandon your part of the work because I  _ can't cut it. _ ” 

****

“You got  _ shot.  _ None of us are dealing with demon hunters in our spare time,” he sighed, zipping his first aid kit closed. 

****

She had made a beeline for Max’s place after the whole mess at the department store, and it was something like 4am and she had disrupted him on like, his  _ only  _ day off. Tessa watched him yawn as he put the kit away, guilty and exhausted herself. 

****

It felt awkward to sit in his dining room in her tank top so late at night. She felt like an intruder, and profoundly out of place. Tessa muttered under her breath while she awkwardly pulled her sweater back on. “....so, uh, how's your brother doing?”

****

“Probably still awake, if I know him well enough.” He shrugged. “I'll tell Seb you said hi if he comes out of his room anytime.” 

****

Sebastian was his younger brother by just a year, but they had all frequented the same classes and taken the same studies. The two were pretty similar in appearance, same long dark hair, and soft masculine features. The only difference was, Max actually  _ liked _ people, and Sebastian was a complete shut-in. The guy was a great biochemist though; because of him, they actually had a compound to  _ test.  _

****

Tessa rolled her shoulder, wincing at the pain. Even with meds, it hurt like a bitch. She grabbed her jacket and slipped off her chair, heading for the door. “Thanks for the help, Max. I owe you one.”

****

“Hold up—” he jogged back to the door before she could leave. He was in his pajamas, and she caught flecks of blood on his shirt. Her guilt doubled, and she wanted to leave even faster, but he was in her way. “I mean it about doubling up. Let me handle some of your shifts at least while you heal.”

****

Tessa gave him a cutting look. “I'll be fine, it wasn't that deep.”

****

“As a friend, then.” He paused. “Does Angelina know what happened yet?”

****

“No,” she answered, frowning deeply.  “... and I hope you don't tell her, because she's gunna want to kill the guy who's shot me, and that's not fair.” 

****

Max looked at her funny. “Why?”

****

“Because it’s my business, and I wanna be the one to kick his ass  _ first  _ ” she huffed, and pulled the door open. “Take some of my shifts if you want them so bad,  _ fine _ . Just don't involve the others in this, okay?”

****

Max sighed and let her move. “Sure, sure. Just don’t give us any more reason to worry, alright?”

****

As she stepped out the door, she paused and gave him a funny look. “Why bother?”

****

She didn't get the need for concern. She wasn't really used to… knowing people more than a couple years, on account of moving a lot as a kid. Tessa figured it'd be easier for him just to let her do her thing and stay out of it. 

****

“It's what friends do,” he said casually, and patted her on the non-injured shoulder. “Try not to catch any more bullets on your way home, ok? I'll be here if you do though. Probably asleep, but like, it's the thought that counts right?”

****

_ Weird.  _ It was weird to have friends to rely on. Weird to be friends with people who were so casual and cool. Tessa was used to fighting more with people, on account of… family. She at  _ least  _ expected more of a freakout when she showed up on his doorstep, bleeding out of a hole in her shoulder. 

****

Tessa gave him a cautious nod, and hopped back onto her bike. “Thanks... for the, uh, help… I appreciate it.”

****

He waved her off and gave her a tired smile. “Don't worry about it.” 

****

She returned the expression, equally tired, if not more so. 

****

Maybe friends weren't so bad after all. 

****

X 

****

The next morning she had been  _ hoping  _ to avoid everything demon-hunter related and block the van out of her consciousness. It was an eyesore. It was the bane of her existence. She could see her Nissan on the other side of the parking lot, collecting rust, and she wanted to set the entire place on fire. She wanted to strap a bomb to Nero’s stupid home on wheels and watch as it went up in flames. She wanted it  _ bleeding _ , like she had been. Sure, he had shot her  _ accidentally _ , but it wasn't going to be an accident when the van was scrap metal and she had finally gotten the last laugh. Tessa wanted  _ justice. She wanted blood.  _

****

But that wasn't how things went. 

****

When she heard his voice again, bright and early and sore from sleep, she jumped, and nearly dropped everything to punch him right then and there on reflex. _ The nerve. _

****

“You're ready for lunch, right?” 

****

It took her a moment to calm her heart rate to clue in on what he was saying. A nerve was jumped in her forehead, and her face was an unnatural shade of purple. Was she genuinely startled by him, or overcome with murderous intent? Tessa honestly could not tell. 

****

Finally, she managed a stranged, “... _ what _ ?”

****

Nero had his hands so  _ casually  _ shoved in his pockets, it ticked her off. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than here, at this moment. Like talking to her was a  _ chore,  _ when he had legitimately just shot her trying to goad her into a conversation last night. He didn't even have a bump on his head where she hit him in the head. What kind of sick joke was this? 

****

“I'm not going to  _ lunch with you _ ,” she spat, digging her nails into her soft pink sweater. Gone was her denim jacket, for however long it tugged too painfully on her shoulder. Not a single one of them fit comfortably anymore. Nero might as well have rubbed salt in the wound-- first the Nissan, now her  _ jackets _ . 

****

He looked like he expected her to turn him down. “Might I remind you that you made a deal the night you set me on  _ fire— _ ”

****

“No,  _ you  _ made a deal and I wasn't even involved,” she shot back, trying to step around him to catch the bus. It was her day off, but she needed to do some shopping and replace the patch he had so lovingly torn off her  _ other  _ shoulder. God, was this bad luck or did he have some sort of shoulder fetish? Whatever it was, Tessa wasn't interested, and pushed him out of the way. “Cancel lunch, go work on my car for once and maybe I'll consider wasting more time listening to you talk.” 

****

Nero made a face at her and followed her to the bus stop. “If you bail on me, forget any more free rides.”

****

“I don't see how they're free when I end up pay for them in other ways,” she huffed, tapping her foot.  _ Where was the 40? the bus should've gotten here by now _ .  _ Ugh _ . “Besides, your friend only wants to meet me for my cat. Take Mr snuffles in my place.”

****

“I'm  _ not  _ touching that thing again,” he grimaced. 

****

Tessa turned to him, eyes hard. “Good, because if you break into my apartment, I'll _ shoot you _ .” 

****

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Riiiight _.  _ Are you sure you can even  _ hold  _ a gun? They're a bit heavier than a stethoscope.” 

****

Tessa ground her teeth together. She wanted to cleave his head from his shoulders.  _ Stupid arrogant asshole boy— _

****

She took a steadying breath and gripped her bag. Her shoulder fucking ached. “If this is your way of getting me to meet your friend, you're doing a great job. Do you do friendship bracelets? We could all make some friendship bracelets. Or t-shirts. Or maybe you could  _ go soak your fat head you piece of— _ ” 

****

“Nero, hey! You found your friend, good!”

****

Aaaand she was already here.  _ Ha, ha ha, haaa… great.  _   
  
Robotically, Tessa turned to face Kyrie as she hopped out of the van, a pleasant, cheerful expression on her face. She was wearing this long… nun-ish white dress, with big puffy sleeves that didn't do anything for her shoulders, and Tessa wished the bus had come right then she could get on and never, ever look back… maybe she’d move to a new town, change her name, and forget all of her problems, right then and there. 

****

But she had signed her name to that insurance paper, hadn’t she? 

****

Godddd.

****

“I'm glad he caught you in time! You're still okay with lunch, right? Nero told me about this cafe downtown where you can see the ocean, and I thought it'd be really nice to visit,” she said, smiling. Oh god, she was so sweet and genuine,  _ what the hell?  _ Kyrie blinked at Tessa’s bags, and noted the bus driving their way. “Unless you're headed somewhere else? I don't want to get in the way of anything important—” 

****

She looked at Nero for some fucking help, but she should've known better. He gave her a pointed look, waiting for her to crumble. You know,  _ like an asshole.  _

****

.. _.why was Kyrie friends with a guy like him, again? _

****

“N-no, It wasn't important. I just wanted to do some shopping,” Tessa said weakly.  She had such a problem with being guilted into things… Desperately, Tessa tried to focus on last night so she didn't lose her edge. She was a  _ victim _ , and they didn't even know it. 

****

“Oh, That sounds  _ fun!  _ Maybe we could go after..?” She said, turning to Nero, who looked thoroughly put off at the idea. “If we have time of course.” 

****

“Or money,” Nero muttered, giving his friend a warning look. “Let’s not go crazy.”

****

Right. He was like,  _ living out his van _ after all. And she  _ had  _ been causing some trouble for him, with the whole demon business.

****

( _ God, no, wait, she wasn't going to feel bad for the jackass who shot her in the shoulder. No way— _ )

****

...was Kyrie one of those pious nuns? Did she have any money at all? Was... Tessa the only one with any spending money between them? How the hell were they even both  _ alive _ ? Who was paying for lunch, and when did she start thinking that she'd actually go with them?  _ Ah shit— _

****

The bus stopped right beside them, and the driver lingered, waiting for a sign whether or not he should move on. Tessa waited, and wasting all of their time, mentally berating herself for having even the slightest amount of empathy in her _ cold, dark heart. _

****

Nero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “If it helps, I've got a… specialist coming in to check your car in a couple days.”

****

Tessa opened and closed her mouth. _ He what? Fucking finally _ ??

****

“Why didn't you  _ lead with that _ ?”  She waved the bus driver on, and adjusted her hold on her bag, minding the raw soreness in her shoulder. “Let's get lunch,  _ fine _ . What's the worst that could happen?” 

****

Kyrie clapped her hands and shot Tessa a smile. “Yayy!”

****

She returned it, extremely pained. 

****

What was  _ one  _ little lunch between... friends...

****

X 

****

Nero tapped away on his phone, one handed, as the girl's ordered their food. All things considered, the afternoon hadn't gone  _ horribly  _ wrong. It's was awkward as hell, and he was  _ sure  _ Tessa felt the same, but if there was one thing about Kyrie he knew for certain, it was that he could always look on the bright side of things and turn an awkward situation into a pleasant one. And _ by god she was trying.  _

****

“Have you had Mr. Snuffles for long?” Kyrie asked, waiting patiently for their food to be wrapped. 

****

Tessa dug out her wallet and handed the cashier some bills. “My neighbors’ always on the road, so yeah, unfortunately.”

****

“Sounds like Nero,” she smiled, and Nero narrowed his eyes at the back of her head. Trust Kyrie to guilt him when he wasn't even supposed to be a part of the conversation. What else was he supposed to do though when he couldn't log onto the wifi? “It must be hard though, I'm sure your neighbor misses his poor kitty. I know  _ I would. _ ”

****

He caught Tessa roll her eyes as she got her change back from the cashier, and grabbed their food. “He’s a bit annoying, but…  _ sure _ .”

****

Kyrie noted that the cashier didn't ask her to pay for their things. She blinked, surprised, lowering her meager coin purse. “Did you cover our tab?”

****

“Don’t sweat it,” Tessa muttered, making her way back to their table. Nero took his feet off of her chair and tried to make himself look busy, failing to log onto the cafe’s wifi for the fifth time in a row. 

****

“Tell me you know the wifi password,” he said as they sat down. 

****

Kyrie looked at him, frowning slightly. “Having trouble?” 

****

“Does it matter? We’re here now.” Tess set down their food, and he watched as she  _ awkwardly  _ shrugged off her bag, like she had the spine of an eighty year old man or something. She eased herself into her chair, keeping her left arm tightly pressed to her side. She looked at the ketchup across the table like it was a million miles away. “Can you pass me that?”

****

Nero looked at her suspiciously.  What was her problem today? “Can't you get it yourself?”

****

“Yes,” she said, not budging. 

****

Kyrie wordlessly passed her the ketchup a moment later. “You know, I expected the city to be a whole lot more disorganized, but it's quite nice here.”

****

“You from the country or something?” Tessa asked, putting a god awful amount of ketchup on her sandwich. It wasn't even a grilled cheese, she just… did it. 

****

Nero made a face as she bit into her food. “Aren't you like… supposed to be a health nut?”

****

“Thwish iws my chweat day,” she said between bites. She fumbled for her can of pop on the table, and Kyrie passed it to her and undid the top. “Thanks.”

****

Kyrie continued on as if this  _ wasn't  _ somehow weird or suspicious behavior, gently picking away at her blueberry muffin. “It's definitely louder, but it's great to see so many people out and about. What do you think, Nero?”

****

He narrowed his eyes as Tessa downed half the can of Diet Coke without blinking. Did nobody think this was weird? “I could without the people.”

****

Tessa caught him staring at her and returned his frosty glare.

****

“ _ Amen _ to that.” Then, she blinked at looked at Kyrie. “Wait, was that offensive? You're part of… some group, right? The… Amish...? Uh. Sorry... I grew up with a catholic parent—”

****

“No, no you're fine,” Kyrie laughed. “And I'm not _ Amish,  _ you don't have to worry about that. I'm uh-” she glanced at Nero, who shrugged, because Tessa posed absolutely no threat, other than maybe never shutting the hell up. “I'm from… um, Fortuna? If you haven't heard of it that's fine—”

****

“No I've heard of it.” Tessa took another bite out of her ketchup sandwich and eyed the two of them. “I like to keep up to date with near-world extinguishing events, as I think most people do. The giant statue was kinda hard to miss.” She chewed slowly, and looked at Kyrie’s clothes with a new light. “So you've really never left the island before?”

****

“Once or twice, but not for long,” she shrugged innocently. “I just hope Nero’s adjusting well enough—

****

Tessa gave him this weird look and he quickly interjected to  _ make it stop  _ before she started looking at him like he actually  _ was  _ Amish. “I'm fine. Great. Golden. I've been trying to log onto the wifi for eight minutes now—” 

****

Tessa looked like she was an inch away from calling him a dumbass. Having Kyrie here and playing nice seemed to be taking its toll on her.  _ Hah _ . “Try typing with both hands next time.”

****

“ _ Try typing with both hands _ ,” he mocked. The strangled expression in her face was tastier than the bagel he had gotten (and largely ignored). He watched her spill ketchup on her sweater, and gave her a smug look. “Try eating with both hands next time, moron.”

****

“ _ Nero _ ,” Kyrie hushed, passing her a napkin. 

****

Tessa kicked him under the table and he yelped. What were her shoes made of, knives?? 

****

“You’re dead,” she hissed, gaze sharp enough to injure on its own. 

****

Nero made a face at her and ignored the sound of Kyrie trying to calm them both down. Honestly, he shouldn't have expected less from this forced lunch meetup. Tessa lived to disappoint and  _ antagonize _ . 

****

Kyrie picked up their garbage and smiled weakly at them both, ready and determined to steer them towards more pleasant waters. “So… shopping?” 

****

Nero and Tessa glared at one another from across the table. 

****

‘ _ D-e-a-d _ ’ Tessa mouthed, drawing a finger over her throat. 

****

_ Yeah _ , shopping would totally make things better. _ Nero couldn't wait.  _


	12. Super Shiny Showstopper Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kyrie and Nero get that sweet Smokin' Sexy Style score, and Tessa ruins all of it on purpose

Tessa covertly swallowed another pain pill and waited for Kyrie to come out of the changing room. 

****

“No, seriously, you're going to faint from heat stroke in that dress, please just humour me here.”

****

“I — I don't know…” came her reply, and for once Tessa and Nero were on the same page, rolling their eyes in tandem. “It's a bit — ”

****

“What, short?” Nero said suspiciously. Tessa had grabbed a pile of clothes and basically thrown them at her the moment they got to the mall. 

****

“No, more like…” She stepped out of the changing room and looked down at her sundress. “ _ Fruity... _ ?” 

****

It honestly wasn't even that bad. It was just an off-white cocktail dress—a  _ fruit  _ cocktail dress, with peaches and strawberries and pineapples printed all over. It had a sweetheart neckline and ruffly, off the shoulder sleeves that made her look a whole lot more girly than her Order dress. She seemed used to having her knees covered, and brushed her skirt down, playing with how swooshy it was when she moved. 

****

Tessa gave her a thumbs up. It was so much better than her last one, which had been ice cream themed. She looked so much better in warm colors anyway. “I think it looks great.”

****

“It has  _ pineapples  _ on it.” Nero grimaced. “With  _ sunglasses _ .”

****

Tessa flipped a blonde curl over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at him. “It’s not my fault the Order never thought about funky fruit with a bit of personality. I mean, in the city you can wear just about anything and get away with it.” 

****

He scoffed and turned his attention elsewhere, looking like he sorely missed his headphones. She caught him eyeing a rack of shoes. “Who even needs stuff like this? Nobody needs shoes that  _ light up _ .”

****

“For once we agree,” she sighed. 

****

He looked at her. “What do  _ you  _ have against them?”

****

“They're obnoxious,” she answered, watching as Kyrie started packing up her things. “You'd have to be an asshole and an idiot to get disco shoes, I really don't—wait what are you doing…?”

****

“Kyrie what's my shoe size, I'm trying these on.” 

****

“Nine, and what…?”

****

Tessa watched in complete disappointment as Nero picked out the right size and kicked off his shoes. When he was done, he kicked down his heel and watched with satisfaction as they light up red and blue, like some sort of obnoxious police car. 

****

“Are you happy with yourself?” 

****

“Oh, totally,” he said, looking up from his feet. He tapped his toes in a little rhythm, just to make a point of how much of a child he was. Tessa shook her head and looked away, thoughts of bullets on the brain. How could a guy who fought demons daily, shot at civilians — _ her _ — be amused by shit like that? 

****

Honestly, Tessa didn’t even know why she even  _ bothered _ . 

****

Narrowing his eyes at her, Nero seemed disappointed in her response, and turned to Kyrie. “What do you think?”

****

She had her old dress folded over her arm, still wearing the fruity pineapple dress as she stepped out of the change room.  “I think… they're very colourful. The question is, do  _ you  _ like them?” 

****

Tessa had to roll her eyes; Kyrie sounded like his own personal therapist. She had to interject before Nero did something stupid, like actually  _ get them _ . “Size nine is pretty small… for a man...”

****

He made a coughing, offended sound, brows coming together with a little crease. “ _ Scuze me? _ ”

****

“Believe me, as a doctor, I see this all the time.” She took a sip from her water bottle and sat back in her chair, pleased that the pain in her shoulder wasn't as intense as before. “So sad.  _ You know _ what that says about a guy....”

****

“That they… need smaller socks..?” Kyrie looked between them, unsure where the sudden spike in animosity came from. “What does it mean?”

****

“I dunno, why don't you tell her Nero,” Tessa said, amused.  

****

The flashing lights from his shoes died down, and he tapped them a second time to keep them going, still glaring. “I don't know what she's talking about Kyrie. Are we done here? It looks like we’re done here — let's go pay.”

****

Tessa cackled as he all but picked Kyrie up and shoved her towards the register. Getting up from her seat gave her another sharp jolt of pain, but she soon followed after, trailing the red and blue flashing police lights. “Are you paying for those? What about your  _ shoes _ , Nero!”

****

“Oh my god shut up about the shoes,” he groaned, pushing Kyrie faster. She fumbled with her dress and their other shopping bags, and eventually he had to stop to give her a moment to collect herself. Tessa neared closer, and his shoes were still lit up like a big obnoxious beacon. He looked like a giant preschooler. If she checked, Tessa was sure his sneakers would have lightning McQueen decals on the sides. “You're getting the dress, right?”

****

“She said it looked nice, so, yes, I think so?” Kyrie said hesitantly. She smoothed down her skirt and traced the sunglasses on one of the pineapples. “It has… character.” 

****

Nero rolled his eyes. “If  _ that's  _ what you want to call it… fine, sure. I'll pay.” 

****

“Are you sure..?” She dropped her voice to a whisper as Tessa approached. “I know you've had… some troubles, it's fine, this one time I can handle it — ”

****

“I'm pretty sure our joint account has more than your savings, so yeah, it's fine, I can handle it.” He started digging around in his pockets for his wallet. “Where did I put…”

****

“You should be disgraced, making me lug your shoes across the shop.” Tessa dumped his boots in front of him, shoulder stiff as she righted herself. A curl of hair fell into her eye and she blew or a puff of air to try and make it go away. “Your tiny, _ slim _ shoes—”

****

“Okay,  _ can it  _ with the tiny feet jokes, I have perfectly _ normal sized  _ feet for your information—and _ everything else _ —so  shut up!” The lights above them flickered for a moment, though he completely shrugged it off, gesturing with his feet. “You're just jealous of my style.”

****

The lights flickered again, and Tessa glanced up at the ceiling. “Yeah, me and everyone else in the police force. You only put those on because we both agreed they were awful.”

****

“A guy can change his mind.” For a great long second, his shoes were the only source of light in the tiny shop, and he looked at her, his face highlighted by blues and reds. 

****

Tessa glanced over as Kyrie reached out to grasp her arm when the lights didn't come back on. “What's going on?”

****

“I dunno, something with the power?” Tessa moved to reach the register and speak to the clerk, but her bad arm caught on something hard and metal. Shades and prescription glasses fell to the ground in a clatter. She gripped her shoulder and let out a slew of filthy curses. “I can't see for  _ shit in here _ !”

****

“Hold on, I got this.” Nero stomped his feet and his skechers lit up. In the dim light, she could still see his smug expression, and Tessa wished she was blind. “Not such a bad fashion choice after all, huh?”

****

She was just about to insult him again, when they heard tire screeches and glass shattering out in the rest of the mall. 

****

Nero stared at her, then back at Kyrie, and dropped the shopping bags in his arms, heading for the front of the store. “You two stay here, I'll be right back.”

****

“You—Nero, the  _ shoes _ ,” Tessa reminded, only for him to wave her off and run into trouble. Tessa stared back at Kyrie, dismayed. “Where does he think he’s going? What does he expect us to do here? Twiddle our thumbs?”

****

Kyrie slipped the cashier a handful of bills and shrugged her shoulders. “We’re supposed to wait. I have faith that he’ll come back.”

****

“Well  _ I don't,”  _ she scoffed, hearing even more catastrophe down the hall. “Screw this, think about your own safety — we’re going back to the van. Nero can find us when he’s done playing mall cop.”

****

Kyrie yelped as something in the back of the room came crashing down. Something  _ demonic and goopy _ bubbled out of the display cases, and the thick scent of decay and sulfur filled the air. 

****

“Time to move!” Tessa grabbed her hand and started dragging her out of the store. People started streaming out around them, panicking as more demon eyes started twinkling in the dark, and someone roughly shoved her in the shoulder trying to escape.

****

Kyrie caught her before she went down. Tessa bit down on the side of her cheek and gripped her shoulder, eyes watery. 

****

“A-are you okay??”

****

“ _ Fine _ ,” she spat, shakily getting to her feet. Kyrie pointedly looked down at her shoulder, and Tessa noted that her stitched had broken and there were specks of blood seeping through her sweater. She gave the girl a pointed stare. “It's ketchup.”

****

“What? No, It's  _ not _ —” 

****

She forced Kyrie to duck as the glass doors behind them shattered. She glared back at the demons inside, attacking the mannequins and anything else human shaped. “We need to get out of here —do you have the keys for the van ?”

****

“I-I think Nero has them!” 

****

“ _ Goddamnit! _ ” Tessa turned and faced the opposite way they had been going. “Even when he goes off to get himself killed he still somehow has to drag us into it!”

****

Kyrie wordlessly followed her as they followed the sounds of carnage. The store displays were achingly dark, and shadows moved around every corner. Tessa couldn't make sense of it — demons didn't attack populated places like this during the daytime. Something was off, it just didn’t make sense.  _ Unless something was making them come out…? _

****

More tire screeches ran out down the hall. They ran together into the main part of the mall, where the cafeteria bled into the lower part of the store. The escalators had gone out with the power, but the emergency lighting had come on in some of the stalls, and they caught sight of Nero with his  _ stupid magic sword  _ fighting a demon on top of the tables. His light up shoes drew more demons towards him, and he kicked one in the head as he put some distance between him and the rest of the horde. 

****

“What the hell is he doing?!” Tessa panted, out of breath. She felt weirdly woozy from her pain meds, and Kyrie held onto her arm to keep her upright. She cupped a hand to her mouth and shouted at Nero as the demons rounded on him again — he just couldn't lose them with those _ stupid sneakers _ . “I told you they were _ obnoxious!! _ ”

****

He cut two demons in half and hopped onto the safety railing next to the escalators. “It's called fashion, look it up!” 

****

Tessa couldn't believe how much of an idiot he was. “You're going to fall to your death up there!” 

****

“Why do you care?” He said back, and she honestly had to ask that question herself. There had to be thirty or more, hissing and clicking and all vying for a chance to rip them to pieces, but most of all  _ really angry that Nero’s feet kept flashing light in their eyes _ . Tessa could relate. “Take Kyrie out of here and run!”

****

In their shouting, a couple demons caught sight of the two of them, and Kyrie sucked in a breath. Tessa stepped in between them and pushed her back, just as they heard more tire screeches from somewhere in the mall. The sound got louder, and then—

****

“Oh my god.” Tessa closed her eyes. 

****

“You again!” Nero called, pointing Yamato at the leather-clad motorcyclist as they drove straight into the crowd of demons. A second later, another bike whizzed passed them both, and together, the crowd of demons broke apart, bewildered. Their strategy worked so well, Nero blinked in confusion. “Wait, why am I seeing double? there's  _ two  _ of you?”

****

Tessa was going to kill them both. She tugged Kyrie backwards while the demons were distracted, whispering furiously to herself. “Who  _ the hell  _ said this was a good idea? What are they  _ doing here?! _ ”

****

“What's going on—you know them?” Kyrie asked quickly, watching with a mix of awe and apprehension as one of the cyclists drove his bike down the escalators and into another pile of demons waiting below. 

****

“No,” she lied. She didn't catch the patch on the last cyclist, but she could see Jamie's shoulder patch as he pulled out his baton and started swinging.  _ What the fuck was he doing here? “Come on, lets go.” _

****

“I've had enough of this—” said Nero, and he—where the hell had he pulled that pistol from? Jamie let loose a couple cans of their repellant, and Nero started coughing. “Can it with the canisters!”

****

And no,  _ just no _ , no way was Tessa going to let him shoot  _ anyone else  _ today, let alone her  _ ex _ . 

****

Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, she wrenched herself free of Kyrie’s hand and darted between the demons over to the railing where Nero stood. She didn't account for there to be  _ blood  _ and other demon guts on the floor however, so when she made it to Nero, she was going  _ pretty fast.  _

****

And she couldn't really stop in time. 

****

So when her hand met his  _ obnoxious _ ly glowing light up shoes—

****

And she saw his  _ obnoxious glowing magic sword— _

****

_ And caught the barest glimpse of his arm glowing under that glove of his— _

****

Admittedly, she panicked. 

****

And grabbed him. 

****

And Nero, with his arm raised ready to shoot, his mind completely elsewhere, reacted like anyone would when they thought a demon had gotten too close, grabbing at them. He jumped back. 

****

Into the open air. 

****

And  _ fell _ . 

****

Tessa looked over the banister and watched him fall into a kiosk and break everything inside. She winced at his hard landing — it wasn't one of those pillow kiosks. Glass shattered and littered the floor. Nearby, demons turned their heads and looked on in shock. Kyrie made the saddest, soft gasp she had ever heard, and honestly a record scratch could've happened right then and there, because  _ it really did feel like one of those moments.  _

****

Honest to god, Tessa thought she might’ve killed him again. 

****

When the dust settled though, Nero opened his eyes and  _ breathed _ , and angels could have sung if he hadn’t immediately ruined it all by  _ glaring up at her  _ with so much disdain and loathing, it could've _ curdled milk _ . 

****

Tessa flinched .  _ Hard _ . 

****

“You are—” he coughed, and more glass crunched under his weight. Nevertheless, his shoes flashed red and blue as demons padded their way towards him. “—the bane of my fucking _existence._ ”

****

_ Well… score settled…? _

****

Tessa groaned and closed her eyes. 

****

_ Not her finest moment, by far.  _


End file.
